“I’ll tell you, you woke up this morning, and New York, a tremendous sight. I mean, it was whiter than a Tea Party rally.” – David Letterman
“The entire East Coast is covered with snow banks and snow drifts, or as Toyota drivers call them — ‘cushions.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Airports all over the East Coast are facing flight cancellations. In fact, under each departure time, it says, ‘Are you freaking kidding me?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“So cold out there the writing on Sarah Palin’s hand said, ‘Economy,’ ‘jobs,’ ‘put on gloves, stupid.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“We learned last weekend that Sarah Palin writes notes on her hand when she’s giving speeches. You can see the notes right there on her hand. The first one is, ‘Hitch up the dogsled,’ ‘buy Chapstick,’ ‘clean rifle.'” – David Letterman
“People still talking about the Super Bowl. It was the most watched TV program of all time. The second most-watched event was the episode of ‘Dallas’ where J.R. gets shot in the face by Dick Cheney.” – David Letterman
“This President Obama, I mean, give the guy credit. He keeps working and working and working. He’s going to invite a bunch of Republicans to have a televised debate on healthcare. It’s going to be a big, big event. As a matter of fact, at halftime The Who will be there doing a special song about Lipitor. So look for that.” – David Letterman
“President Obama told White House reporters that his meeting with bipartisan congressional leaders went, quote, ‘well.’ When asked why he was being vague, he was like, ‘because.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“And last night, Bob Dylan performed at the White House in honor of Black History Month. Because when you think of black history, you think of a mumbling, white, Jewish guy from Minnesota.” – David Letterman
