“Legislation was enacted in 1993 designed to allow gay people to serve in the military as long as they told their colleagues that the ripped, topless and be-jean shorted fireman that they had in their foot locker was cousin Rico.” – Jon Stewart
“President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan. Nobody knew he was going — except for the WikiLeaks guy.” – Jay Leno
“What kind of name is WikiLeaks? It sounds like a Hawaiian guy that’s incontinent.” – Jay Leno
“Obama was going to have a meeting with Afghan President Karzai about the country’s corruption, incompetence, and the wasting of American tax dollars. And that’s just what Karzai was going to lecture Obama about.” – Jay Leno
“Nigerian authorities are charging former Vice President Dick Cheney on a bribery scandal that involves Haliburton. That’s when you know you’re bad, when guys in Nigeria are accusing *you* of running a scam. Cheney has offered to be hooked up to a polygraph, as soon as he’s unhooked from the defibrillator.” – Jay Leno
