“It’s official. It turns out it was Weiner’s weiner. At a press conference this afternoon, Congressman Anthony Weiner admitted that he tweeted out that photo of his crotch. During the press conference, Congressman Weiner was choked up and got a lump in this throat – not as big as the lump in his underwear, but still, very emotional!” – Jimmy Fallon

“It’s been a tough week for him. He’s lost so much support, and he had to buy a second pair of underwear too. I’m just glad he had the balls to admit his mistake.” – Jimmy Fallon

“I don’t know if laws were broken or not, but Weiner was sending around pictures of him in his underpants and I thought, Well, now, wait a minute, what is the big deal? Don’t men and women in Congress get to mail their packages for free?!” – David Letterman

“With all this new media, is that considered junk e-mail? Or is it e-mail of your junk? There are so many terms!” – Jay Leno

“It shows you how the political race has changed. Remember it wasn’t that long ago when candidates would ask ‘Where’s the beef?’ You can’t ask that now!” – Jay Leno

“And I love the way the media reports the story. They say this whole thing started when a lewd photo of a man’s crotch was sent to one of Congressman Weiner’s Twitter followers. Do they even have to say ‘lewd.’ I mean, are there tasteful photos of men’s crotches?” – Jay Leno

“A new photo was released that the Congressman’s cock apparently took of him.” – Jon Stewart

“The Anthony Weiner scandal shows that despite the wars and the economy, we’re all really still in 9th grade.” – Jay Leno

“It’s a great day for late night comedians because it’s a bad day for Congressman Anthony Weiner.” – Craig Ferguson

“It was so nice in New York City that the whole staff was in Central Park writing Anthony Weiner jokes.” – David Letterman

“The most upsetting thing about having a friend caught up in a scandal of this nature is finding out A) he’s packin’ jumbo heat, and B) that he’s ripped.” – Jon Stewart (who once shared an apartment with Weiner)

“Democrats don’t share our values. An elected official is tweeting dirty photos of himself to strange women who he never meets for sex? Come on! At least Republican Chris Lee was trying to get some action! Republican politicians are man enough to hit that thing. Ensign, Vitter, even when it’s a gay scandal! They’re not tweeting love letters. They’re tearing up an airport bathroom until somebody calls the cops on them!” – Stephen Colbert

“I mean, call me old fashioned. But I long for simpler times and common sense values. I want to leave our grandchildren an America where Congressmen bang their secretaries. Sorry if there’s no app for that.” – Stephen Colbert

“Weiner admitted to sending underpants photos of himself. It’s a huge political scandal. Arnold Schwarzenegger even called Weiner to say, ‘Thank you.'” – Craig Ferguson

“It’s been a crazy few days. First, Anthony Weiner admitted tweeting that photo of his crotch and John Edwards was indicted for covering up an affair. Or as Arnold Schwarzenegger put it, ‘Thank you God! This is the best week ever!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Legal experts are now investigating John Edwards for the money he spent to hide his mistress and love child. The good news for Edwards is that he is now eligible to run for governor of California.” – Jay Leno

“Osama bin Laden’s successor was taken out by an American drone. An American drone? Isn’t that Mitt Romney?” – David Letterman

“The White House says that the unemployment rate is good news because it means more people are looking for jobs. More good news like that, and everyone at the White House will be looking for jobs.” – Jay Leno

“A new Republican presidential poll has Herman Cain, the former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, tied for second with Sarah Palin. Or as Obama put it,’ ‘Do I even need to campaign at this point?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“First Lady Michelle Obama is taking Sasha and Malia to South Africa and Botswana. Or as Sasha and Malia call it, ‘Not Disney World. Thanks Mom!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, Michelle Obama is taking Sasha and Malia to South Africa and Botswana and Sarah Palin was like, ‘Wow, they’re going to all the places Paul Revere went.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“It’s the anniversary of D-Day. Or, as Sarah Palin calls it, the day that Paul Revere warned the Americans that the Danish were coming.” – Jay Leno

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