“Comedy people sit around for years hoping for a scandal called ‘Weinergate.’ And then it happens.” – Conan O’Brien
Congressman Weiner reportedly called Bill Clinton to apologize for his behavior. After Bill suggested that Weiner also call Hillary, Weiner said, ‘Don’t worry, I sent her a text.'” – Conan O’Brien
“What?! The congressman had a sex scandal and had to apologize to Bill Clinton? For what?! Copyright infringement? A patent violation?” – Jon Stewart
“When there’s trouble, you can always tell who your friends are. And this poor guy, Anthony Weiner, is getting no support from nobody. Except, you know who’s supporting Anthony Weiner? Newt Gingrich. Today, Newt Gingrich sent him a $10,000 cell phone case from Tiffany’s.” – David Letterman
“Donald Trump said Anthony Weiner is a psycho. So look for him on the next season of ‘Celebrity Apprentice.'” – Conan O’Brien
“More trouble for Anthony Weiner: He was fired as the voice of the Aflac duck.” – David Letterman
“You want me to cut my wrist again? Is that what you people do when watching this show? Are you people fucking right now?” ” – Jon Stewart (responding to news that “The Daily Show” figured into Anthony Weiner’s sexual exchanges with a Las Vegas blackjack dealer)
“Congressman Weiner has admitted that he did carry on explicit online relationships with six different women. Well, he thought they were women. Turns out three were woman, one was a guy pretending to be a woman, and the other two were congressmen.” – Jay Leno
“Democrats in Congress have been distancing themselves from the Anthony Weiner scandal. Just to be safe, everyone is staying a good 6 to 8 inches away at all times.” – Jimmy Fallon
“There has been growing pressure for Anthony Weiner to resign. When asked for a comment, Weiner said, “Look, I’m not leaving … but I am packing.” – Jimmy Fallon
“51 percent of New York voters think Congressman Weiner should keep his seat in office. The other 49 percent think that he should disinfect it.” – Conan O’Brien
“Sociologists have documented this. Here are the stages of a scandal: First you have the denial, then you have the tearful confession, then it’s resignation, and then you appear on ‘Dancing With the Stars.'” – David Letterman
“Yesterday President Obama welcomed German Chancellor Angela Merkel to the White House. One embarrassing moment when Merkel got a phone call from a certain New York congressman asking if she’d like to see his wienerschnitzel.” – Jay Leno
“Of course, Weiner is now desperately trying to make things better with his wife. You can tell he’s sorry. Like today he sent her a picture of his penis with a little sad face on it.” – Jay Leno
“People wonder why Weiner engaged in such reckless behavior. If you wanted people to check out your crotch, go to the airport and go through security like everybody else.” – Jay Leno
“Delta Airlines has a new slogan, ‘Come fly the greedy skies.’ This is unbelievable; Delta Airlines is in trouble now after they charged our U.S. soldiers coming back from Afghanistan $2,800 because they had extra baggage. If the TSA isn’t grabbing your ass, Delta’s grabbing your wallet. It’s unbelievable.” – Jay Leno
“To make matters worse for our returning soldiers, the in-flight movie was ‘burlesque’, and since many of these guys were paratroopers, they just bailed.” – Jay Leno
“The beautiful star of the TV show ‘Mad Men,’ January Jones, is pregnant but she will not reveal who the father is. To which John Edwards said, ‘Why can’t I meet women like this?'” – Jay Leno
“A woman in Florida called 911 after she found a bear swimming in her backyard pool. That’s right, there was a bear in the water. Or as Sarah Palin calls that, ‘soup.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A new study found that being bored can be good for your brain. Which explains that new campaign slogan, ‘Mitt Romney: I’m Good For Your Brain.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama’s top economic adviser, a man named Austan Goolsbee, is stepping down: He will be replaced by something a little more effective…the magic 8-ball.” – Jay Leno
“Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke is predicting that the economy will pick up in the second half of the year. So you know what that means: nothing.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama said today he’s not concerned about a double dip recession. He’s more concerned the recovery we’re in is not creating enough jobs. In fact, do you know what you call a recovery that isn’t creating enough jobs? A recession.” – Jay Leno
