“That Secret Service sex scandal keeps growing. Here’s the latest: Three of the Secret Service agents involved in the sex and cocaine scandal are now leaving the agency. On the bright side, they’re going to have one hell of a going-away party.” – Conan O’Brien
“Reporters are in Colombia digging up anything on the Secret Service prostitution scandal. There was a dispute in the hotel. The escort said they made an agreement the night before to pay her $800, which is a lot for an escort. For that, you could get a Ford Escort.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“After they promised $800, they only gave her $30. That’s what you call a trade deficit.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The escort claims the agents said they did not remember agreeing to pay $800 because they were drunk the night before and she refused to leave the room until she got paid. Eventually they settled for $225. These are the guys we should put in charge of negotiating our foreign debt.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Eleven Secret Service agents are being investigated. So far one has been fired, one resigned, one retired, and the rest are thinking about leaving just because the party is over.” – Jimmy Kimmel
