According to satirist Andy Borowitz, the Al Qaeda terrorist group is disbanding, saying “our mission of destroying the American economy is now in the capable hands of the U.S. Congress.”
The now-former Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri declared that the idea of holding the entire nation hostage with a clock ticking down to the end of the year “is completely insane and worthy of a Bond villain.”
“Even we couldn’t come up with something like this. … As terrorists, every now and then you have to step back and admire when someone else has beaten you at your own game.”
Al Qaeda is now looking to the future, and new sources of funding. Maybe they should start selling copies of their “greatest hits”?
In related news, a consortium of billionaires led by Sheldon Adelson has warned that if their taxes go up, they will not longer have enough money to buy politicians.