Political Irony

“As you know, the Mayans said the world will end tomorrow, and like everybody else, they blame Bush.” – Jay Leno

“According to the Mayan calendar, Friday is the end of the world. You know what? There is a sign of the apocalypse. The New York Knicks are in first place.” – David Letterman

“Even with the apocalypse there is always something good. There’s always a silver lining. For example, The Mayan apocalypse will put an end to those commercials where a crazy lady talks to strangers about her colon.” – David Letterman

“After three years and six seasons, the final episode of ‘Jersey Shore’ aired tonight. Or as the Mayans put it, ‘So we were off by one day.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“There’s a photo going around with President Obama playing with a staffer’s son who’s dressed as Spider-Man. Obama was like, ‘Shouldn’t you be fighting the Green Goblin?’ And the kid was like, ‘shouldn’t you be working on the fiscal cliff?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The kid was really excited to meet the president, while Joe Biden was real excited to meet Spider-Man.” – Jimmy Fallon

“I went to see ‘Lincoln,’ and I think it’s a precise historical document. I was flabbergasted to realize that President Lincoln’s wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, wore pantsuits.” – David Letterman

“I’m sure the new movies are good, but I’m upset there are no real Christmas movies. Like ‘It’s a Wonderful Life,’ where Jimmy Stewart finds himself in a world where no one can see him. It’s like nobody’s aware of his existence. I know that feeling.” – Craig Ferguson

“‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ is the one where the angel earns his wings. Because remember, kids, an angel without wings is like Tom Selleck without a moustache, or like ‘Two and a Half Men’ without a cast member going crazy.” – Craig Ferguson