“Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s car was involved in a DUI. Somehow a woman named LeAnne McRobb wound up in his car. You know what a McRobb is? It’s half Rob Ford, half McRib.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A woman got a DUI while driving a car that belongs to Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. So, I’m starting to think maybe it’s the car that has the problem.” – Jimmy Fallon
“This Rob Ford is something else. His car gets pulled over for DUI even when he’s not in it. It’s over. The machines have won. I mean, for God’s sake, Rob Ford’s Cadillac Escalade is drunk.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs. And that’s just selling lava lamps at Spencer’s Gifts.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Fans of ‘The Price is Right’ got angry at President Obama yesterday because a speech he was giving interrupted the show. So let me fill them in on what they missed: Three people you don’t know got called down, and they were extremely happy about it. That’s all you missed.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The organizing committee for the 2016 Olympics in Rio just announced that 38 percent of the venues are completed. When asked if they’d be done in time for the Summer Games, Rio said, ‘Wait – SUMMER games?'” – Jimmy Fallon
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Keep in mind that the summer games will be held in the winter in Rio…