“Hillary Clinton said she wants to travel this year, and won’t make any announcements about her plans to run for president until 2015. When asked where she’ll travel, she said, ‘New Hampshire, Iowa, and maybe spend a few months in Florida.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“In an interview with Diane Sawyer, Hillary Clinton said she would make her decision on running for president ‘by the end of the year.’ Specifically, the year 1998.” – Seth Meyers
“This week Hillary Clinton launches the tour for her new book. When he heard, Bill Clinton said, ‘I’m so proud of her, and what day exactly is she leaving?'” – Conan O’Brien
“In an interview she said that she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad, the two of them needed to share a bedroom.” – Conan O’Brien
“Hillary Clinton has a new book out on her experiences as secretary of state. Instead of a book jacket, her book is wearing a pantsuit.” –Conan O’Brien
“President Obama faced some criticism for chewing gum during a D-Day ceremony. He said, ‘Sorry, but if I don’t get my Nicorette, there’s going to be another war on this beach.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“On Friday the CIA launched its official Twitter account. Which means that you could receive this terrifying email: ‘The CIA is now following you.'” – Seth Meyers
“Vladimir Putin’s personal envoy said that allowing Finland to join NATO could lead to World War III. Yes, if there’s one country that’s definitely going to start World War III, it’s Finland.” – Seth Meyers
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