“The Pentagon just announced that its fight against ISIS will be called ‘Operation Inherent Resolve.’ They came up with that name using ‘Operation Random Thesaurus’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Pentagon has picked ‘Operation Inherent Resolve’ as the name for its fight against ISIS. Unfortunately, two terrorists got away while they were busy thinking of that name. Who cares what you call it. Just do something!” – Jimmy Fallon
“A Dutch motorcycle gang called ‘No Surrender’ has declared war on ISIS, and plans to ride their motorcycles through Syria and Iraq. When they heard the name ‘No Surrender,’ the Pentagon said, ‘Damn! That would have been a perfect name!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Earlier today the head of the TSA announced he’s retiring. His employees toasted him with less than 3 ounces of champagne. Then they gave him a gold watch and he had to take it off and put it in a bin.” – Conan O’Brien
“Last night the governor of Florida refused to come out for a debate. He was upset that his opponent had a fan under the podium to keep cool. Now a governor and a fan are very different, of course. One oscillates back and forth, blowing hot air in everybody’s face. And the other one is a fan.” – Craig Ferguson
“President Obama is trying very hard to put people at ease about Ebola. Obama said he hugged and kissed some of the nurses in Atlanta who had treated the patients with Ebola. Man, Obama will do anything to get out of that job right now.” – Conan O’Brien
