Political Irony

“Today is Earth Day. Environmentalists spent the day drawing attention to the Earth, while the Earth just spent the day checking Facebook to see which planets wished it a happy Earth Day.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Today is Earth Day. So this year I’m finally gonna do it. I’m gonna find out what the blue trash cans are for.” – Seth Meyers

“The first Earth Day took place in 1970. At the rate we are going, the last one should be soon.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Shouldn’t every day be Earth Day? I mean, what are our options?” – Jimmy Fallon

“Today is Earth Day. The way I see it, as humans the very least we can do is recycle. A lot of recycling is going on this year. For example, Bushes and Clintons.” – David Letterman

“Jeb Bush has to distance himself from what they call the Bush brand. So he keeps saying, ‘I am my own man.’ But when Governor Chris Christie is out on the campaign trail, he’s always saying, ‘I’m my own man, plus another guy.'” – David Letterman

“Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that’s how Hillary got rid of her emails.” – David Letterman

“Marco Rubio’s presidential campaign has raised $40 million in the last week. When he heard that, Rubio said, ‘Hey, any chance I can drop out of the race and just keep the 40 million?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“There are reports that Kim Jong Un climbed North Korea’s highest mountain. Kim Jong Un said all it took to climb that mountain was hard work, determination, and lying about climbing that mountain.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The city of San Francisco announced that on January 1 tobacco of any kind will be illegal. So you’ll finally be able to say to a police officer, ‘No, no, this is just weed.'” – Seth Meyers

“A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day.” – Seth Meyers