“Tomorrow night is the first Republican debate. Which means Donald Trump’s hair and makeup team should be getting started right about now.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The debate rules state that the highest-polling candidate is given the middle podium, which means Donald Trump will be center stage tomorrow night. Well, that and the fact that he was going to stand there anyway.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump has come out in favor of shutting down Planned Parenthood. However, experts say, if he really wants Planned Parenthood to go under he should turn it into a Trump property.” – Conan O’Brien
“The Republican presidential debate is tomorrow night. People have already come up with drinking games for it. The most popular game is the one where you skip the debate and go out drinking.” – Conan O’Brien
“Among the debaters tomorrow night is Ben Carson who is a neurosurgeon. Carson says he’s not there to debate, he’s there to diagnose exactly what’s wrong with Donald Trump.” – Conan O’Brien
“A new study finds that Michelle Obama’s ‘Let’s Move’ program may have caused people to actually gain weight. Many mistook the slogan to mean, let’s move next door to a Cinnabon.” – Conan O’Brien
