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Sinking Feelings

Two new polls from Gallup and Pew Research are bad news not just for Donald Trump, but for Republicans in general.

The number of Americans who say that Trump keeps his promises has plummeted from 62% in February to 45% (a drop of 17 points). “Can bring about changes this country needs” went from 53% to 46%. “Is honest and trustworthy” from 42% to 36%. Gallup measured a total of six characteristics, and his rating went down in all of them. In fact, “Is a strong and decisive leader” is the only characteristic that is above 50% (having dropped 7 points from 59% to 52%).

And that’s the good news. The bad news is that other Republicans even less popular. Since Trump took office the approval rating of the GOP has dropped from 47% to 40%. And the approval rating for the most powerful Republican other than Trump, Speaker Paul Ryan, is a pitiful 29%.

The even worse news for the Republicans was the special congressional election yesterday in Georgia. This is a district that hasn’t elected a Democrat in a long time (Republican Tom Price won it by 23% in the 2016 election before he resigned to become Trump’s Secretary of HHS). But Democrat Jon Ossoff (who has no experience in public office, although he did once have a job as a congressional staffer) won 48.3%, compared to his nearest competitor, Republican Karen Handel (who is a former Georgia Secretary of State) with 19.7%. Despite Donald Trump attacking Ossoff repeatedly on Twitter (using lies).

Unfortunately, in Georgia a candidate has to get more than 50% of the vote in order to avoid a runoff, and the GOP vote was somewhat splintered, so the Republicans have a good chance to retain this seat in the runoff. However, the really bad news for the GOP is that statistically, there are 47 congressional seats held by Republicans that are more Democratic than this district. The Democrats only have to win 24 seats to take back control of the House.

Is this election a wakeup call that Trump has become a boat anchor around the Republican Party’s necks?


Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Mar. 1, 2017]

President Trump gave his big address to Congress last night. But it was surprising — he didn’t trash the media or brag about winning the election. It was the first time people playing a Trump drinking game ended up sober. – Jimmy Fallon

President Trump gave his first speech to a joint session of Congress last night, and good news, everybody, he’s normal now! So our work here is done. When you tune in tomorrow night, this will be a cooking show. – Seth Meyers

Trump’s speech is actually getting pretty good reviews. In fact, a CNN poll found that 69 percent of viewers approved of Trump’s speech. Yeah, 69. Trump called the number impressive, while Mike Pence called it inappropriate. – Jimmy Fallon

Antarctica reported its highest temperature in history at 64 degrees, and there was a blizzard warning in Hawaii. And to top it off, last night, Donald Trump gave a speech and sounded reasonable. – Conan O’Brien

But not everyone was impressed. In fact, many Democrats actually rushed out at the end of Trump’s address. Most were annoyed by Trump’s speech, while Bernie Sanders said, “Drinking a Big Gulp right before was NOT a good idea.” – Jimmy Fallon

President Trump last night announced the creation of a department called “VOICE”, which will deal specifically with crimes committed against Americans by immigrants. Not to be confused with “The Voice”, which deals with crimes against music committed by teenagers. – Seth Meyers

Disney announced that it’s featuring its first openly gay character in the upcoming live-action film “Beauty and the Beast”. Which explains why they’re changing the title of the movie to “Beauty and Her Longtime Roommate Janine.” – Conan O’Brien

Chocolate maker Hershey is reportedly expecting to cut its global workforce by about 15 percent. That’s right, for the first time ever, chocolate is giving up people for Lent. – Seth Meyers

A man in Austria yesterday tried to enter a court with a bag of cockroaches. “Get those horrible creatures out of here!” said the cockroaches about the lawyers. – Seth Meyers

In California, an experimental self-driving Uber car drove through six red lights. In other words, it just passed its Los Angeles driving test. – Conan O’Brien

Papa John’s is testing a new system that lets customers pay $3 to skip the line and get faster pizza delivery. And for $6, Peyton Manning will throw the pizza at you from a speeding car. – Jimmy Fallon

In the U.K., a group of scientists successfully taught bumblebees how to play soccer. And now, they’re trying to get American bumblebees to watch it. – Conan O’Brien


Safety First!

© Lee Judge

Donald Trump just can’t stay away from Twitter. On April 15th in honor of tax day, protests were held all across the US (and in several other countries) to encourage Trump to release his tax returns.

Once upon a time, Trump promised he would release his tax returns once he was elected, but he broke that promise and declared that nobody (other than the media, who are the enemy) cares about his tax returns. But 74% of Americans say he should release his returns.

Hence the protests. But Trump is in heavy denial, so he took to twitter and claimed “Someone should look into who paid for the small organized rallies yesterday. The election is over!”

Yeah, right. Someone organized and funded tens of thousands of fake protesters all across the nation, and somehow managed to keep it all secret. Of course.


Unhappy Easter Bunny

The White House Easter bunny apologizes for “passing over” the Jews.

Ironically, ten years ago Sean Spicer actually did dress up as the Easter bunny at the White House, with George W and Laura Bush. At the time, Spicer was working in the office of the US Trade Representative.

UPDATE: Notice how uncomfortable Spicer is during this short interview at the Easter Egg Roll, when he is asked how he feels about the SNL skits where Melissa McCarthy lampoons him.


Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Feb. 28, 2017]

Tonight, President Trump is giving a prime-time speech before Congress. The speech will be on a 10-second delay so Trump can live-tweet about how great his speech is going. – Conan O’Brien

President Trump gave his first address to a joint session of Congress tonight. Now, our show tapes early, so we don’t know what happened, but I’ll bet the people who were there aren’t that sure what happened either. – Seth Meyers

Tonight President Trump gave his big speech to Congress. I saw that beforehand, Democrats came out with a “prebuttal” to counter some of Trump’s talking points. They say that they know what Trump’s going say before he says it — or as Trump put it, “Must be nice. I just open my mouth, and the best words come out.” – Jimmy Fallon

One of the big issues that was expected to come up was immigration. Former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad recently wrote a 3,500-word letter to Trump criticizing his immigration policy. When asked if he read the letter, Trump said, “I haven’t even read my immigration policy!” – Jimmy Fallon

During his interview on “Fox & Friends,” President Trump was unable to name a time when he felt he deserved criticism. Which is pretty surprising, since criticism is the only thing in his life he’s actually earned. – Seth Meyers

Trump’s new Commerce Secretary is the vice-chairman of a bank that’s owned by Vladimir Putin. You can tell the bank is owned by Putin, ’cuz both the pens AND the tellers are chained to the desk. – Jimmy Fallon

It seems like Trump’s been breaking with a lot of traditions since he took office. There’s speculation that President Trump could cancel the annual White House Easter Egg Roll. Then he said, “Actually, I’m canceling ALL egg rolls, just to get back at China.” – Jimmy Fallon

It’s come out that 83-year-old Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s daily workout routine includes pushups, planks, and squats. Apparently she began seriously taking care of her health last November 9th. – Conan O’Brien

A 100-year-old Dutch woman recently persuaded local police to arrest her to fulfill an item on her bucket list. Cool story for her, not so much for the victims of her double homicide. – Seth Meyers

Sunday night was the first time that Amazon took home Oscars, winning two for “Manchester by the Sea.” Although the CEO said, “With Amazon Prime, we could have gotten those Oscars last Tuesday.” – Conan O’Brien

According to a new study, cats may have more potential than dogs to sniff out bombs. They just won’t bother to tell you. – Seth Meyers

Scientists have found a way to grow human tissue on apples. Now the only thing left for them to discover is a REASON to grow human tissue on apples. – Conan O’Brien


As Real as Trump

© David Horsey

Hey, why not just claim victory and move on? After all, most people didn’t believe Donald Trump when he (over and over and over again) claimed that he would build a wall and Mexico would pay for it. And if someone was stupid enough to believe that, then they would probably believe this too.

Trump could even declare victory — claiming that he has reduced illegal immigration to its lowest level in at least 17 years, which is true except for the part about him doing it (it was really Obama, but we shouldn’t mention that!).


Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Feb. 27, 2017]

I thought Jimmy Kimmel did a great job hosting the Oscars — congrats to Jimmy, he’s always good. But did you see what happened at the end? Yeah, the producers of “La La Land” went up on stage after the movie was named Best Picture — then it was announced that they actually lost to “Moonlight”. And today, they joined a support group with the Atlanta Falcons and Hillary Clinton. – Jimmy Fallon

The Oscars went very well. We were chugging along. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, it turned into one of those Maury Povich paternity test shows. – Jimmy Kimmel

As I’m sure you know, “La La Land” was announced the winner of Best Picture, before it was revealed that there was a mix-up with the envelopes, and “Moonlight” was the actual winner. When this happened I bet Hillary Clinton was like, “Yeah, welcome to my world.” – James Corden

“Moonlight” won the Oscar for Best Picture last night after the award was mistakenly presented to “La La Land” due to an envelope mix-up. Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling. – Seth Meyers

It was the weirdest TV finale since “Lost”. As I’m sure you’ve heard, “La La Land” was simultaneously somehow the biggest winner and loser last night. You know it’s a strange night when the word “envelope” is trending on Twitter. – Jimmy Kimmel

Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway were the presenters that announced the wrong film. Basically they were the Sean Spicers of the Oscars. – James Corden

On the 50th anniversary of “Bonnie and Clyde,” the academy asked Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway to present Best Picture. So Warren and Faye come out with the envelope. In retrospect, what we know is Warren was confused, so he handed it to Faye and let her read it. In other words, Clyde threw Bonnie under the bus. – Jimmy Kimmel

During the “In Memoriam” segment they accidentally showed the picture of a woman who is still alive, an Australian producer named Jan Chapman. Which in a way is a much bigger story than “La La Land”. Sure, it’s bad to think you have won Best Picture when you didn’t. But how about being told you’re dead when you’re not? – James Corden

This would send me into a deep existential funk. I would be like, “Wait, I’m not dead. But am I truly living?” – James Corden

Last night, Mahershala Ali became the first Muslim actor to win an Oscar. Or as the Trump White House reported it, “Muslim Wields Heavy Blunt Object.” – Jimmy Fallon

On Friday, CNN, The New York Times, and BuzzFeed were blocked from participating in a media briefing with White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer. CNN called it “unacceptable”, the Times called it “outrageous”, and BuzzFeed called it “one of the top seven things Trump did today that will blow your mind.” – Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend, Vice President Mike Pence tweeted his support for Israel, but accidentally used an emoji of the Nicaraguan flag instead of the Israeli flag. The White House says there’s a perfectly good reason why he did it: Nobody knows what they’re doing. – Jimmy Fallon

President Trump said today that he is going to “save people” from Obamacare. Kinda like how that iceberg “rescued” the Titanic from having to go to New York. – Seth Meyers


Wag the Dog?

People are noticing that every time a new connection between Donald Trump and Russia is exposed (which seems to happen almost every day) a country in Asia gets bombed.

The latest revelations are that Paul Manafort (Trump’s former campaign manager) has retroactively registered as a foreign agent, Trump advisor Carter Page was talking to Russia so often that the FBI obtained a FISA warrant to monitor his communications, and The Guardian is reporting that there is now “specific concrete and corroborative evidence of collusion” between the Trump campaign and Russia.


Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Feb 23, 2017]

One of the big stories everyone’s talking about is the immigration debate. Pope Francis has actually been tweeting Bible references that oppose President Trump’s travel ban. You know you’re doing something wrong when you’re getting cyber bullied by the Pope. – Jimmy Fallon

The NYPD sent out a message today telling residents that despite President Trump’s executive order, New York City will remain a safe place for all immigrants. “I’m counting on it,” [shows photo of Melania Trump] said one immigrant. – Seth Meyer

Apple is criticizing Trump after he overturned the rule that lets transgender students use the bathroom of their choice. Apple says that regardless of your gender, everyone should be able to drop an iPhone into whichever toilet they want. – Jimmy Fallon

This was controversial, even within the administration. Education Secretary Betsy DeVos initially resisted signing off on it because of the potential harm that rescinding the protections could cause transgender students. But Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who has opposed expanding transgender rights, pushed DeVos to relent. “Aw, come on, Betsy, they won’t let me discriminate against black people. Just give me this one.” – Stephen Colbert

White House press secretary Sean Spicer yesterday denied that the administration’s order revoking LGBT protections sparked a disagreement between Attorney General Jeff Sessions and Education Secretary Betsy DeVos. Spicer also denied that he got his job after putting a quarter in a machine and whispering, “I wish I were big.” – Seth Meyer

According to the administration this wasn’t about persecuting any group; it was strictly a legal concern [clip of Sean Spicer]: “The president has maintained for a long time that this is a states’ rights issue.” Oh, grow a pair! Is there a more cowardly phrase than “this is a states’ rights issue?” “Honey, do you like my new haircut?” “Uh, I’m gonna leave that decision up to the states.” – Stephen Colbert

This isn’t the only Obama action Trump’s rolling back. He’s going to repeal the Affordable Care Act, rescind environmental protections — he’s already replaced Michelle’s vegetable garden with a sandbox full of onion rings. – Stephen Colbert

The Conservative Political Action Conference kicked off today. This is a huge convention that Republicans attend, and this year they’ll have guest speakers like Kellyanne Conway and Donald Trump. It’s basically two days of speeches followed by 19 days of fact checking. – James Corden

During the convention today, Kellyanne Conway shot back at her critics, saying it turns it out there are a lot of women who just have a problem with women in power — says the lady who lied for a year to make sure a woman didn’t become president. – James Corden

There are rumors that Russia’s compiling a psychological profile on Trump to help Putin get inside his head. You know, it’s so hard to get Trump to open up and talk about himself. He keeps a lot of stuff private. – Jimmy Fallon

John McCain actually praised Trump’s new national security adviser, H.R. McMaster, calling him an outstanding choice and a man of genuine intellect, character, and ability. Then Trump said, “In that case, forget it. Get me Steven Seagal.” – Jimmy Fallon

A new report projects that by 2020 the legal marijuana industry will create more than a quarter of a million jobs for people to be late to. – Seth Meyer


Make Impeachment Great Again

Professor Allan Lichtman, who gained notoriety by predicting that Donald Trump would win the presidential election, is now predicting that Trump will be impeached. Often, political predictions are not worth much, but Lichtman did manage to correctly predict the last eight presidential elections.

Lichtman even says that Trump could even be impeached by a Republican Congress. “Trump threatens the institutions and traditions that have made America safe and free for 230 years, and I’ll make clear why a Republican Congress might impeach a president of its own party.”

Trump even has multiple potential offenses for which he could be impeached, including treason with Russia, abuse of power, or violations of the emoluments clause of the Constitution. And presidents can be impeached for things they did before they were elected, so add Trump’s violations of housing laws, his many charity problems, disregard of the Cuba embargo, and the infamous Trump University. Trump also has a bad habit of habitually lying even when giving sworn testimony, so he could easily provide even more reasons to impeach himself. It wouldn’t be hard for someone in Congress to set an “impeachment trap” for Trump. I mean, if Bill Clinton could be impeached for lying about sleeping around, Trump has already done far worse. And he is just getting started.

Lichtman concludes “Justice will be realized in today’s America not through revolution, but by the Constitution’s peaceful remedy of impeachment, but only if the people demand it.”

UPDATE: One more way this might happen. If Trump fires him, Steve Bannon might exact vengeance against Trump via “an epic, Kill Bill-style revenge saga that starts with Bannon leaking personal dirt on his enemies to the tabloids, using the megaphone of Breitbart News to exacerbate divisions inside the administration, and siccing an army of internet trolls on his adversaries to harass and defame them.” And it isn’t like Bannon hasn’t done stuff like this before.


Save the Children?

© Jen Sorensen

This comic could contain so many additional panels. Like, what about Trump’s tweets claiming that vaccines cause autism, which encourages parents to not vaccinate their children? Or his denial of climate change, which threatens all children’s futures?


Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Feb. 22, 2017]

The Washington Post has done an analysis of Trump’s first month as president and says that during that time, Trump has made 133 false or misleading statements. That’s right, 133 false statements. Isn’t that — [mimes listening to earpiece] sorry, it’s absolutely 134. It’s 135 — it’s — it’s 137. Forget it, we’ll be here all night. – James Corden

The Washington Post says that he has lied over 130 times in just his first month. If you do the math, he’s releasing an average of four false or misleading statements per day. On the bright side, you can’t say Trump isn’t getting anything done. – James Corden

Now the most shocking thing in this report is that it’s only been 34 days. How? It feels like he’s halfway into his second term, doesn’t it? This is the first administration where the public is aging faster than the president. – James Corden

But it makes sense that Trump tells the most fibs of any president — even the color of his skin is a lie. – James Corden

Trump’s frequent visits to his Mar-a-Lago resort have many wondering if he’ll stick with the presidential tradition of visiting Camp David. While others would just be happy if he stuck with the tradition of visiting the White House. You’re still president on the weekends, you know that? All right, good. – Jimmy Fallon

Another big story is Trump’s ongoing feud with the media. Especially his tweet where he called the press “the enemy of the American people.” And the American people said, “No, that would still be kale. No one likes kale.” – Jimmy Fallon

Former Democratic presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee is actually siding with Trump, saying he can relate to how Trump’s being covered. Then even Lincoln Chafee was like, “Wait, who am I again? Am I the guy with the guitar? No, that was Martin O’Malley. No, yeah, I was the guy with the hair, OK.” – Jimmy Fallon

President Trump said today that he very much enjoyed his tour of the National Museum of African American History and Culture yesterday. One employee was like, “Sir, that was a basketball game.” – Seth Meyers

Yesterday, Trump was touring the Museum of African American History and Culture, and according to witnesses, he noticed a stone auction block on which slaves would stand and was moved to say, “Boy, that is just not good. That is not good.” I haven’t heard that kind of eloquent enunciation since the Civil War novel “The Red Badge of Dang, That Is Messed Up.” – Stephen Colbert

And he wasn’t done taking a courageous stance against slavery, because later they came upon a set of shackles used to restrain children, and the president said, “That is really bad. That is really bad” — adding, “Chains on a child? What is this, the airport?” – Stephen Colbert

President Trump is getting ready to speak to Congress next Tuesday and apparently this speech will be more upbeat than the one he gave at his inauguration. People were like, “Seriously, ‘Manchester by the Sea’ was more upbeat than his inauguration speech.” – Jimmy Fallon

White House press secretary Sean Spicer said today that President Trump will not be watching the Academy Awards this Sunday. But I bet Spicer will, since he’s nominated for most animated short. – Seth Meyers

Vice President Mike Pence today toured a factory in St. Louis. Pence was like, “It’s so great to be back here in the place where I was built.” – Seth Meyers

If you are visiting in New York right now, you might have noticed that yesterday, activists put a banner on the Statue of Liberty reading, “Refugees Welcome”. It’s absolutely a lovely thought, but kind of redundant on the Statue of Liberty, isn’t it? It’s like taking a rainbow flag and adding, “We Like the Gays!” It’s not necessary. – Stephen Colbert

But I guess that’s where we are right now. You’ve got to say things out loud that, before, we just assumed we all agreed on. The bar’s getting lower. – Stephen Colbert

According to a new report, more Americans over 65 are using marijuana to relieve pain. Said one such American, “I’m 65? How long have I been playing Call of Duty?” – Seth Meyers

Scientists are saying people who grow up with cats in their homes are not more likely to develop mental illnesses. No, the mental illness comes first. – Seth Meyers


Damn Lies

Flanked by his top advisors and the CEOs who are members of his “business advisory council”, Donald Trump claimed “We’ve created over 600,000 jobs already over a very short period of time and it’s going to really start catching on now.” His advisors should have known better.

Only 317,000 jobs have been created since Trump took office. Not only must Trump be taking credit for jobs created while Obama was still president, most economists would agree that many (if not most) of the jobs created in the first few months of Trump’s presidency were due to the policies of the Obama administration. Indeed, of the jobs created, 219,000 were created in February, the first full month Trump was president, and 98,000 were created in March. So the number of jobs created is actually going down (not “catching on now”). I also want to point out that companies don’t just decide to hire a bunch of people and those people magically show up and start working. It take time to hire people, and even more time to create projects that can (later) hire people.

But reality doesn’t seem to be important to Donald Trump. Later the same day in a press conference, Trump made the bizarre statement “Already we’ve created more than almost 600,000 jobs.”

The White House later explained that Trump was including all the jobs created in January, but that number was 216,000. So the total for the three months is 533,000, which is still far short of 600,000 (let alone “over”). And Trump was only president for 11 full days in January (11.5 if you include his inauguration day once he was sworn in).

Even if we give Trump credit for all the jobs created since he became president (which is dubious at best) that still means that, on average, 178,000 jobs per month were added during Trump’s presidency. That is still less than the 187,000 jobs that were added (again, on average) while Obama was president (and that includes the jobs that were lost due to the Bush recession after Obama was inaugurated.

Any way you look at it, Trump’s (repeated) statement is a complete fabrication. Why his business advisors and CEOs sat there while Trump said it is beyond me. Either they are idiots or they are happy to endorse blatant lies.



© Jim Morin

Donald Trump promised that we would win so much we would get tired of winning. Well, I’m not tired yet, but Trump has been the indirect cause of several wins. The 2017 Pulitzer prizes were announced on Monday, and there were multiple awards for negative coverage of Trump, including cartoonist Jim Morin of the Miami Herald, whose winning entries included the two cartoons above.

Also winning was David Fahrenthold of the Washington Post for his coverage of Trump’s lies about giving to charities, the New York Times for their coverage of Russia’s efforts to project power abroad, and Wall Street Journal columnist Peggy Noonan for her coverage of the presidential campaign.


Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Feb. 20, 2017]

President Trump took office one month ago today. Wow, it’s hard to believe the past few years have only been a month! – Seth Meyers

Today is President’s Day and you just know Trump was up at the crack of dawn, ready to open presents. – Seth Meyers

Yesterday was Presidents Day, and I read that Donald Trump’s supporters were emailed a Presidents Day card to sign for him. And since Trump was busy golfing, they were asked to sign some executive orders for him, too. – Jimmy Fallon

For those of you keeping score at home, Donald Trump has gone golfing six times 30 days. That explains the bumper sticker on Air Force One: “I’d rather be golfing, and there’s a 20% chance that I am.” – Stephen Colbert

It was reported this week that Donald Trump has made six different trips to golf courses in Florida in his first month as president. It’s definitely a lot for a guy who once tweeted: “Can you believe that with all the problems and difficulties facing the U.S., President Obama spent the day playing golf?” We all thought Trump was being critical. Turns out he was being jealous. – James Corden

We know the president has been to the golf course six times, but for some reason, his aides would not confirm that Trump played golf each time he went to the golf course. Sure, he could be on the course for any reason. We know he loves making fun of people’s handicaps! – Stephen Colbert

A new report from The Washington Post reveals that Trump has spent 25 hours golfing during his first month in office. But during his intelligence briefings, he really buckled down … and played Wii golf. – Jimmy Fallon

President Trump today visited the National Museum of African American History and Culture … as part of his ongoing quest to find Barack Obama’s birth certificate. – Seth Meyers

Trump went on a tour of the African American Museum with Ben Carson. Things got awkward at each exhibit, when Trump would turn to Carson and say, “Friend of yours?” – Jimmy Fallon

Trump was originally supposed to visit the museum on Martin Luther King Day, but that had to be postponed because of scheduling issues. It’s understandable. As Dr. King himself said, “I have a dream — unless something else comes up. Then it can wait.” – Stephen Colbert

Exciting day for President Trump, because he went on a field trip to the Museum of African American History. He was so worried Steve Bannon wouldn’t sign his permission slip. – Stephen Colbert

At a rally this weekend, President Trump compared himself to Abraham Lincoln, who he claimed, “fought with the media and called them out.” Yup, that’s who Abraham Lincoln was most famous for warring with. The media. – Seth Meyers

At his rally on Saturday, Trump suggested there was a terror attack in Sweden that didn’t really happen — and then the Swedish Embassy asked the State Department for an explanation. You know things are bad when the country that makes Ikea instructions is totally confused. – Jimmy Fallon

I noticed that President Trump didn’t wear a tie to his big rally in Orlando on Saturday. I guess it was either at the cleaners, or he got tired of tripping over it. – Jimmy Fallon

The British parliament is debating whether or not Donald Trump should be allow to make a state visit to the United Kingdom after a petition to keep him out garnered 1.8 million signatures. Hey, Donald, how’s that travel ban feel when it’s on the other foot? – James Corden

The debate is actually over whether Trump’s trip should be an official state visit. If that were the case, he’d be invited to stay in Buckingham Palace with the queen. And hopefully that would get filmed because it sounds like the greatest sitcom ever. “Tea and Trumpets,” Thursdays on CBS! – James Corden

Last Thursday was something called “A day Without Immigrants.” You know about this? I didn’t know; I thought that’s what Trump called it when Melania stays in New York. – Stephen Colbert

At a recent dinner while President Trump invited other attendees to order whatever they wanted, Trump demanded Chris Christie have the White House meatloaf. Coincidentally, “White House Meatloaf” is also the position Trump is considering him for. – Seth Meyers

President Trump had dinner with Mike Pence in the presidential dining room today. Pence said grace, and Trump said, “There were 1.5 million people at my inauguration.” – Seth Meyers

The American flag behind Vice President Mike Pence during his speech in Brussels yesterday accidentally featured 51 stars instead of 50. In honor of the new 51st U.S. state — panic. – Seth Meyers

The White House today disputed claims that a retired general turned down President Trump’s offer to serve as national security adviser, saying he made it very clear he wanted the job, but refused for financial reasons. Well, technically what he said was, “I wouldn’t do that job for all the money in the world.” – Seth Meyers