Political Irony

“It was quite a weekend, politically. Yesterday, an estimated 75,000 people attended a Barack Obama rally on the banks of the the Willamette River. … And if you believe the media, listen to this. After the rally, Barack Obama fed them all with just five loaves of bread and two fish. Amazing!”

“The oldest serving member of Congress, former Klan member, Senator Robert Byrd, has endorsed Barack Obama for president. That’s got to make Hillary feel good, huh? Even the Klan guy is going, ‘I’m gonna go with the black guy.'”

“And over the weekend, John McCain spoke about what he hopes to achieve by the end of his first term as president. McCain spoke about his vision, which he said was a little blurry and not good at night. … McCain also said the war in Iraq will be over by the year 2013, which is also when I think Hillary is expected to pull out of the race.”

“According to these latest financial disclosures, Dick Cheney is worth somewhere between $20 million and $100 million. I mean, could they be more vague? Isn’t that like an $80 million gap? Apparently, Cheney’s accountant is the same guy telling Hillary she still has a mathematical chance of winning.'”

“President Bush was in Saudi Arabia to mark 75 years of official relations with the royal family. And 40 years of officially being screwed royally by that family. Did you see the present the royal family gave President Bush? You see what it was? … A Schwinn. A brand new Schwinn, yeah. That pretty much says it all, doesn’t it? He goes over there looking for solutions to the energy crisis, they give him a bicycle.”

“And as you know, the country of Saudi Arabia is run by the Saudi royal family. Boy, imagine allowing someone to run a country just ’cause his dad ran the country. Thank God that could never happen here.”

“While he was in Israel, President Bush launched a political attack on Barack Obama. I guess he attacked him over there, so he doesn’t have to attack him over here.”

“Anyway, today, Barack Obama responded to that attack, and then McCain attacked Obama, and then Obama fired back at McCain, and then Hillary Clinton said, ‘Hello! Will somebody attack me? I’m still in the race! Hello, I’m still here! Everybody attack me!'”

“President Bush was just in Saudi Arabia meeting with King Abdullah. He gets a little confused. He kept saying, ‘So where’s Paula Abdullah?’ I don’t think he understands.”

“She’s starting to get a little desperate. You know, Hillary Clinton is doing whatever she can to stay in the race. Yeah, things are not looking good for Hillary. In fact, today, she was thinking of changing her name to ‘Gas Prices’ just to see her numbers go up.”

“And the other day, John McCain made a speech about what things will be like five years from now. See, normally, a guy that age starts talking about the next five years, the word ‘assisted living’ usually comes up.”

© Steve Sack

© Kevin Moore

In one of those articles that would be even more hilarious if it didn’t make so much sense, Scott Adams proposes a new political party called the Economics Party. “You don’t even have to stop being a Democrat or Republican or whatever to join. The Economics Party won’t have its own candidates. All we’ll do is agree to vote for the candidate with the best long term economic policy, according to the consensus of leading economists.”

“The Economics Party would be committed to changing its policy recommendation whenever the facts warranted. We’re pro flip-flop when it makes sense. In other words, our brains function properly.”

http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2008/05/the-economics-p.html

As some of the comments point out, however, the problem would be getting the “leading economists” to agree.

© John Deering

“Huge political fireworks today after President Bush went to Israel and he talked about American politicians who might want to talk with Hamas or other leaders. Politicians who would sit down and appease terrorists. He said he would not do it. He would not put up with it. He would never talk to terrorists. And then he flew to Saudi Arabia to spend a couple of days with the Saudi royal family.” –Jay Leno

“The big story in politics is that John Edwards has officially endorsed Barack Obama. They say the endorsement will help Obama win what’s known as Hillary Democrats. Do you know what those are? Hillary Democrats? Those are Democrats that like to knock back whisky shots while pretending to duck sniper fire.” –Jay Leno

“Well, the Pentagon announced this week, the reward for capturing al Qaeda leader in Iraq, Abu Ayyub al-Masri dropped from $5 million to $100,000. Well, here’s my question. I mean, if nobody turned him in for $5 million, why would you then turn him in for $100,000?” –Jay Leno

“Barack Obama is in the spotlight, and he is dealing with a little, well, a small controversy. Not a big controversy, but a small controversy. This is the latest. Last night, Barack Obama had to apologize for calling a reporter ‘sweetie.’ Yeah, meanwhile, Bill Clinton apologized for calling a reporter when her husband was home.” –Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday, in an interview with Katie Couric, Hillary Clinton said that she would not quit, no matter how bad her numbers looked. Yeah, then Katie Couric said the same thing to Hillary.” –Conan O’Brien

“Hillary thinks there is a chance. She is counting on her stimulus check to keep her going.” –David Letterman

“Last night, John Edwards gave his endorsement to Barack Obama. This is just more proof that Obama is elitist. His new friend has a $400 haircut.” –Stephen Colbert

“Big Democratic primary in West Virginia tonight. Hillary, of course, has long been predicted to win by 20 to 30 points. This is great news. No, Clinton will not catch Obama in the popular vote. And yes, Obama now also leads in superdelegates. But the contest will continue. And Nation, this is what the American people want, and I know that because I read it today in today’s ‘USA Today,’ which ran this headline: ‘Dems say let the contest continue,’ just above this much smaller headline, ‘But more say Clinton should quit, polls show.’ Well done, ‘USA Today.’ Thank you for reminding us that this historic primary has not become a manufactured battle, reported long past its relevance in a bald-faced effort to sell newspapers. It is what the people want. Just not most of them” –Stephen Colbert

“John McCain, of course, no one is really paying attention to him right now, but he’s everywhere, trying to get attention. Yesterday on ‘Live with Regis and Kelly,’ John McCain showed one of his baby pictures. That was nice. Yeah, the picture was on loan from the Museum of Natural History. Yeah, it was beautiful. It shows him discovering fire and bringing it to the village.” –Conan O’Brien

“Congratulations to Hillary Clinton. She was the big winner in West Virginia last night, with 67 percent of the vote versus 26 percent for Barack Obama, who hasn’t had numbers that low since the last time he went bowling.” –Jay Leno

Just a few hours ago, John Edwards announced he will be endorsing Barack Obama. Well, the rumor is that Barack Obama promised him, if elected, he would offer him the cabinet position of Secretary of Shampoo and Highlights.” –Jay Leno

“Howard Dean on the show tonight. Now, anybody here from Florida or Michigan? All right. You can’t be seated. You’ll have to leave. I’m sorry. It’s the Democrats’ ruling.” –Jay Leno

And if there was ever any doubt that Barack Obama has what it takes to be a president of the United States, that doubt was erased during a campaign stop in Oregon [on screen: video of Obama saying he’s visited all 57 states]. As you can see there, he’s definitely ready to take over for President Bush. He needs rest. Some crazy lady keeps calling him at 3:00 a.m. every night.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“I don’t know if Barack Obama’s getting tired or what, but in a recent speech, Barack Obama made a mistake. He said he had visited all 57 states. Yeah, that’s what he said. After hearing this, President Bush said, ‘Haha, he forgot Alaska and Hawaii!'” –Conan O’Brien