If you have only been hearing about the problems with the website, read this article about people who have already been helped by the ACA. Why would anyone want to go back to what we had before?
If there are problems with the site, fix them. If people are being cancelled by their insurance company when they want to keep their old plans (even if those plans don’t meet the requirements of the new law) we can fix that too. Fix what’s wrong, change it for the better. But never go backwards.
“New Jersey re-elected Governor Chris Christie. Or as Christie put it, ‘I came back for seconds’.” – Conan O’Brien
“In New Jersey, they re-elected Chris Christie by a HUGE margin. Is there any other way?” – Craig Ferguson
“New York City is going to get a new mayor. It’s between some tall white guy and some short white guy. That’s all I know.” – David Letterman
“The tall white guy is really tall. He’s 6’7′. This is a jumbo mayor. He said if he’s elected, Mayor Bloomberg can live in his pocket. Mayor Bloomberg is a tiny guy.” – David Letterman
“In New York they elected a new mayor. He is Bill de Blasio, the first Democrat mayor in 20 years. Now 20 years ago Times Square was filled with strip clubs and porno theaters. So I’m counting on the new mayor to restore it to its former glory.” – Craig Ferguson
“Mayor Bloomberg has been mayor of New York City for 12 years. We’ll all miss Mayor Bloomberg. But he says 12 years is plenty. That’s three terms. He now just wants to settle down and spend more time with his money.” – David Letterman
“Rand Paul has been accused of cheating in three separate instances. When asked about the charges, Paul said, ‘Four score and seven years ago…'” – Conan O’Brien
“Rand Paul, the senator from Kentucky, keeps getting into trouble. They say he actually plagiarized an entire section of his 2012 book, ‘Government Bullies’. When asked for comment, Paul said, ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The White House announced that Joe Biden will travel to Asia to make up for President Obama’s trip that was canceled because of the government shutdown. Seriously? That’s like Justin Timberlake canceling a show and sending the banjo players from those Geico ads to take his place.” – Jimmy Fallon
“One year ago today President Obama won re-election. And it’s been smooth sailing ever since.” – David Letterman
“So, yes, the president was somewhat dishonest about the promise of his healthcare program, but here’s the weird part, his opponents have been lying like motherfuckers about its effects.” – Jon Stewart
“There’s now growing concern in Iran about the health of 74-year-old Ayatollah Khamenei, the country’s supreme leader. He has a chronic illness. You think healthcare is bad in this country, try seeing a doctor under Ayatollah-Care. See how that works.” – Jay Leno
“NSA whistle-blower and traitor Edward Snowden, living in asylum in Russia, has released a manifesto directed at the United States claiming that telling the truth should not be a crime. And believe me, there’s no better place to celebrate free speech, truth, and equal rights than in Russia.” – Jay Leno
And in this case, there is plenty of blame to go around. I remember Obama saying several times that the “majority” of people would be able to keep their current health insurance plans. Why in the world would he change that to claim that everyone would be able to keep their current plan? That is just asking for Republicans to jump up and down on your ass!
“New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is hoping to win re-election tomorrow, and polls show that he’s winning by a 19-point margin. Christie was really excited to hear that — but only because he thought someone said ‘margarine’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Chris Christie has really worked hard on the campaign. I heard he spent all weekend shaking hands and kissing bagels.” – Jimmy Fallon
“According to a new study out of Harvard, it is easier for people to be moral in the morning. They say people are more moral at the beginning of the day, but they become more dishonest as the day goes on. So when people say Congress is as dishonest as the day is long, we now have scientific proof.” – Jay Leno
“Did you all turn your clocks back an hour over the weekend? It is easy to remember ‘spring ahead, fall back.’ It’s like trying to log on to Obamacare. You spring ahead, make a little progress, then you fall back.” – Jay Leno
“According to CBS news, on the first day of open enrollment for Obamacare, only six people signed up. Today they released their names: They are Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy, Bashful, Grumpy, and Doc. That’s according to the creator of the website: Dopey.” – Jay Leno
“NSA leaker Edward Snowden got a new job in Moscow. Not only that, but he was also able to sign up for ‘PutinCare’.” – Jay Leno
“Forbes magazine has named evil Russian President Vladimir Putin as the most powerful person in the world. Vladimir Putin, the most powerful person in the world. Number two: Kelly Ripa.” – David Letterman
“It’s been a big year for Vladimir Putin. People magazine also named him the sexiest dictator alive.” – David Letterman
New York magazine reports on a story in the Wall Street Journal (which is unfortunately protected behind a pay-wall).
Republican Congressman Doug Collins states that “Congress should do everything in its power to tackle deficits.” Except that deficits are, by definition, the difference between revenue and spending, so a reporter asks him whether Republicans should therefore consider increases in revenue in order to reduce deficits.
His answer would not surprise anyone who has seen Republicans reject even bills that offer a ten-to-one ratio of spending cuts to revenue increases. Or watched as Republicans under Dubya pushed through Medicare Part D, which increased spending dramatically. Or started a stupid war in Iraq.
I guess “everything in its power” means nothing.
“Six kids showed up for Halloween with no costumes at all, just dressed like ordinary people. They said, ‘We’re the six people who signed up for Obamacare on the first day.'” – Jay Leno
“According to CBS News, only six people enrolled in Obamacare on the first day of the rollout. Six! That means more people have walked on the moon than have signed up for Obamacare.” – Jay Leno
“This is my favorite part. Hand to God, this is the absolute truth. The White House said that the number six is not official. Really, aren’t they better off saying nothing? Not official? What, if we wait it could go as high as seven?” – Jay Leno
“The Republicans are saying this is the worst presidential lie ever. Yes, Bush lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and got thousands of people killed and said the war would pay for itself, but remember people, those were white lies.” – Bill Maher (on President Obama’s promise that all Americans who like their health insurance plans would be able to keep them)
“New Rule: Before the Wall Street Journal publishes another editorial by health care ‘expert’ Suzanne Somers claiming Obamacare is a socialist Ponzi scheme, they have to find one person who actually lost weight using a Thighmaster. She sells a metal spring for thirty bucks and Obamacare’s a scam?” – Bill Maher
“Last night the Obamas gave out dried fruit to more than 5,000 trick-or-treaters. In a related story, today workers outside the White House had to sweep up a bunch of dried fruit.” – Jimmy Fallon
“I love Halloween; I call it Atheist Christmas.” – Bill Maher
“Today 47 million of the poorest Americans had their food stamp benefits way reduced. This is the same day we launched our new stealth destroyer, the $3 billion USS Zumwalt. This is a ship that is nearly invisible, unlike the poor, who are completely invisible. I say if we’re going to make ships that are invisible, why build them at all? Why not just tell the Iranians they’re there?” – Bill Maher
I have a new rule. If someone complains about something wrong with Obamacare, I officially don’t care unless they suggest how to fix the problem (other than repealing Obamacare). Problems with the web site? Fix them. Employers reducing the number of full time employees? Change the rule. As long as people are just trying to find anything wrong with the ACA (no matter how trivial) in order to justify getting rid of it, then they do not deserve to be taken seriously.
Seriously.
“Anybody try to sign up for the Obamacare? It’s impossible, and everybody’s furious. The Republicans are upset about Obamacare because something they tried to stop now won’t get started.” – David Letterman
“It’s really trick-or-treat time at the White House. President Obama tricked us into thinking we’d be able to afford treatment.” – Jay Leno
“Con artists are using Obamacare confusion to sign people up for fake health insurance. The scammers lure victims with false promises like, ‘If you like your healthcare plan, you can keep your healthcare plan.’ The scammers will tell you that, so you have to be careful.” – Jay Leno
“A lot of people are accusing the president of being less than truthful. In fact, a couple of weeks ago President Obama called me and told me personally that if I like my current job, I can keep my current job. And I believed him!” – Jay Leno
“The president said he didn’t know that we were spying on our allies. He didn’t know about the problems with the healthcare website. Have you heard the latest? Now the president claims he doesn’t know how ‘Breaking Bad’ ended.” – Jay Leno
“A new study found that 30 percent of Americans admit to getting most of their news on Facebook. You can tell news anchors are trying to compete with Facebook because tonight Brian Williams’ top story was just a picture of his cat.” – Jimmy Fallon
I’m going to be tied up for a week or so, so posts might be a bit sporadic.
Will try to post when I can. Hopefully the news will remain quiet for that time.
And while I have your attention, I will be moving Political Irony to a new server sometime in the next month. I’ll warn you, but Political Irony will probably be down for a day or two when that happens. The good news is that the new server should be faster and more reliable.
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of closing down of the Government in the USA and thus the inability to govern yourselves, We hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress, including the Senate, will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
“President Obama’s Facebook account was hacked. It was hacked by the Syrian Electronic Army. When Obama found out about this, he said, ‘Can you guys fix the Obamacare website?'” – David Letterman
“There was some good news today for embattled Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. Obamacare will cover all her injuries after the White House throws her under the bus. She is totally covered.” – Jay Leno
“Obama is also being criticized for the Obamacare website. You know what’s wrong with that website? A lot of the people trying to sign up for Obamacare are elderly. So you’ve already lost them at ‘website’.” – Craig Ferguson
“Have you tried to get on the Obamacare website? Oh, it is slow! It is so slow that by the time you sign up for Obamacare you’ll be eligible for Medicare. It’s slower than a ticket scalper at a Jacksonville Jaguars game.” – Jay Leno
“We are posting online many of our rare or never-before-seen clips from the show’s past 20 years. You can see them online but if you really want a laugh, go to HealthCare.gov. That’s where the good chuckles are.” – Conan O’Brien
“For years President Obama has been saying that no one would lose their healthcare plan. Now the White House has admitted that in fact many people will lose their plans. But there is a way to keep the great coverage you have. Just become a member of Congress. Then the taxpayers pay for the whole thing.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama is still in trouble for this spying stuff. You can tell he is getting tired of talking about this scandal. Today he said, ‘Anyone want to talk about my birth certificate?'” – Craig Ferguson
Who better to fix the problems with the healthcare.gov website?
It has often been noted that people seem more than happy to throw their private information at websites like Facebook and Twitter, if they get back something in return. Maybe the NSA should change their tactics?
“Have you tried to log on to the Obamacare website? It’s slow. It is slower than my watch during an interview with Paris Hilton.” – Jay Leno
“Obama said they’ve had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I’ll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that’s a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God’s sake!” – David Letterman
“The White House said today that one of the reasons the Obamacare website has had so many problems is because it’s so popular that it was overwhelmed. Really? How come Psy’s ‘Gangnam Style’ video never had any problems? He got 2.5 billion hits!” – Jay Leno
“Today Obama was in so much trouble he called Hillary Clinton and he said, ‘Could you start early?'” – David Letterman
“According to a new report, more than 700 fake Obamacare websites have been created. Security experts say it’s simple to identify the phony sites because they are easy to log on to.” – Jay Leno
“They ought to take all of the guys who are so good at hacking into phone calls and put them to work fixing HealthCare.gov. We need to reallocate our nerds.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The Obamacare website is not the only one crashing. The NSA website went offline Friday after suspected hackers broke into it. Hey, NSA: It’s not so much fun when people are sneaking into YOUR computer, is it?” – Jay Leno
“Over the weekend it came out that the U.S. has been listening in on German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s cellphone since 2002. At this point, I feel like the only world leader our government DOESN’T listen to is President Obama.” – Jimmy Fallon
“There are new reports that the NSA has been monitoring communications of 35 leaders. Germany’s Angela Merkel is one of our closest allies and she is not happy about this. She called President Obama to give him an earful — and it takes a lot to get those ears full.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The U.S. has been spying on German Chancellor Angela Merkel for more than 10 years. Merkel actually called Obama to say that eavesdropping on allies ‘is not acceptable’. Then Obama said, ‘Yeah, well that’s not what you said to England.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“If the NSA agents are like most men they were probably only pretending to listen to what she was saying anyway.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“NASA has successfully tested a broadband communications system that’s built into the lunar atmosphere explorer probe. It sends data to and from the moon at the rate of 622 megabits per second. To the moon and back in a second. In a related story, the Obamacare website is still down.” – Jay Leno
“I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don’t think I’m doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing Texas Hold ‘Em.” – Jay Leno
“The White House now says the Obamacare website will be fixed by the end of November. So if your doctor has only given you three weeks to live, sorry pal.” – Jay Leno
“Another scandal with the National Security Agency, the NSA. You know how they’ve been accused of spying on Americans? Well, it just came out that they actually spied on 35 world leaders. Yeah, it was 34 prime ministers and Oprah.” – Jimmy Fallon
“A new report found that 700 IRS employees owe a combined $5.4 million in back taxes. When IRS workers got the news, they said, ‘Oh man, I hope I don’t find out about this!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you’re one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right.” – Jimmy Fallon
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