Political Irony

“Seventeen days after Newt Gingrich insisted President Obama should establish a no-fly zone over Libya, he’s complaining that Obama established a no-fly zone over Libya. It’s the same as Newt’s policy on adultery. He can’t make up his mind.” – Jay Leno

“House Speaker John Boehner says President Obama should have clearly outlined his exact plans before bombing Libya. Apparently it’s only Iraq where you don’t have to do that.” – Jay Leno

“For Lent, some people give up meat, and some people give up drinking. President Obama gave up conferring with Congress.” – Jay Leno

“Dennis Kucinich wants to impeach President Obama over Libya. There’s a very good case against impeachment. It’s called ‘Joe Biden.'” – Jay Leno

“President Obama had to use another door to get into the White House yesterday after he got home and the entrance to the Oval Office was locked. When he couldn’t get in, Obama said ‘Holy cow, is it 2012 already?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Two passenger planes landed in Washington, D.C. with no assistance from a sleeping air traffic controller. Luckily, the pilots were too drunk to notice.” – Jay Leno

“A study found Equador, Venezuela and Colombia have the most well-endowed men in the world. The study was conducted by TSA screeners at JFK’s International Terminal.” – Jimmy Fallon

“We now have wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Libya. They call it a ‘theater’ of war but this is a multiplex.” – David Letterman

“A problem for our military in Libya is that they can’t tell the rebels from Gadhafi’s military. The U.N. has now declared that the war be fought as ‘shirts vs. skins.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Moammar Gadhafi is said to be hanging out in a series of underground tunnels. That’s basically admitting you’re evil.” – Jimmy Fallon

“According to Newsweek, 73 percent of Americans can’t say why we fought the Cold War. This sounds bad until you consider that no one in the White House can tell us why we’re fighting the Libya war.” – Jay Leno

“We know more about President Obama’s basketball picks than his plans for Libya.” – Jay Leno

“Everyone is focused on March Madness but there haven’t been any games in a few days. It’s been so boring that President Obama has decided to focus on the situations in Libya and Japan.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama is doing business in Latin America this week. I guess regular America isn’t good enough for him anymore.” – Jimmy Kimmel

‘President Obama is in Chile. The President of Chile said Michelle Obama is very good looking, and Obama said the same thing about the Chilean President’s wife. I’m not sure this is the kind of trade agreement he went there to negotiate.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, ‘I’m running for president.'” – Lewis Black

‎”Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents — doesn’t work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He’s already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem…” – Lewis Black

“This is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life. A President who’s not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying asshole.” – Lewis Black

“Sarah Palin visited Israel. As if the Jews have not suffered enough.” – Jay Leno

“California Marijuana farmers are worried that radiation from Japan could affect their crops. Or maybe for some strange reason they’re just being paranoid.” – Conan O’Brien

“A South Carolina legislator introduced a bill to make it illegal for prisoners to use Facebook. They’re supposed to be doing time, not wasting it.” – Jay Leno

“We’re at war? Again? Don’t we already have two? Wars aren’t like kids, where you don’t have to worry about the youngest one because the other two will take care of it.” – Jon Stewart

“Remember when President Obama said we can’t fight two wars and vowed to change our policy? Well, he did. Now we’re fighting three wars.” – Jay Leno

“The strikes on Libya are costing $100 million. Or, in Moammar Gadhafi terms, five Beyonce concerts.” – Conan O’Brien

“And aren’t we out of money? You can’t simultaneously fire teachers and Tomahawk missiles.” – Jon Stewart

“The Pentagon held a press-conference about the military operation in Libya. They are calling it Odyssey Dawn. I believe it’s the first military operation named after a stripper.” – David Letterman

“Obama said we will send economic aid to Libya to help the Libyan people reach their dreams. And if that works, they’ll try it here.” – Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin visited the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. There was an awkward moment when she said, ‘So this is what keeps the Mexicans out?'” – Conan O’Brien

“Sarah Palin visited Israel. She says she likes all religions, ‘whether they celebrate Christmas or Jewish.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“A miniscule amount of radiation from Japan reached L.A. People panicked and ran out and bought gas masks and radiation suits. Then they went to the tanning salon.” – Jay Leno

“Rich people are buying Geiger counters. Poor people are putting bags of microwave popcorn on the windowsill. If it starts popping, get the hell out.” – Jay Leno