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On the Road Again

I have a big work trip starting up, so posts will probably be a bit scattered for the next month or so. I’m sure I will post occasionally, and I’ll be back at full strength sometime in October, so don’t worry!


Mother of all Storms!

© Ruben Bolling

Batten down the hatches! Run for cover! The denialists won’t be denied! Raining and flooding will just cause them to flood the airwaves. Not to mention sticking their heads in the ground, which will probably be full of water. Will they drown in their own pronouncements? Or will they weather the storm?


Alternative Facts

© Tom Tomorrow

And the best part is that you don’t even have to wear them. You can get the same effect from TV or the internet if you look at the right things (and when we say right, we mean right wing!).


More Problems!

© Jen Sorensen

Trump supporters say they hate immigrants, but they only hate immigrant workers. They seem to be blind to immigrant companies, such as multinational corporations. Even US companies (including those owned by our president) are outsourcing jobs by the truckload, not to mention entire industries. But while the right wants to deport immigrant workers, they are fine with giving immigrant corporations tax breaks. I wonder if any of them have figured out that their beloved Fox News is owned by immigrant Rupert Murdoch.


No Problemo!

Republicans claim to be the party of self reliance and personal responsibility. But they don’t hesitate to blame any problems on someone else. They even blame their problems on children.


Fake Weather?

There is an interesting article in the Chicago Tribune about the right-wing media.

You know how the right (including Donald Trump) have been claiming that climate change is “fake news”. Now that the US is being battered by severe storms, fed by increased ocean temperatures, they might have some ‘splaining” to do, but they are just doubling down on their claims.

Rush Limbaugh is claiming that the media is purposely trying to make the storms sound worse than they really are, in an effort to push their liberal agenda. Limbaugh says:

you have people in all of these government areas who believe man is causing climate change, and they’re hellbent on proving it, they’re hellbent on demonstrating it, they’re hellbent on persuading people of it. … hurricanes are always forecast to hit major population centers because, after all, major population centers is where the major damage will take place and where we can demonstrate that these things are getting bigger and they’re getting more frequent and they’re getting worse — all because of climate change.

Limbaugh also says that local media exaggerate the danger from storms in order to get advertising dollars from local stores. The stores benefit as people stock up with storm supplies like water and batteries.

Infowars founder Alex Jones takes it one step further. He claims that the government actually manipulates the weather. Just last week Jones was talking about Hurricane Harvey battering Texas, and was questioning why the government didn’t “use the technologies to kill [the storm] out in the gulf.” Jones’s contention is that the government — or, more precisely, the “deep state,” now that Trump is president — uses its “weather weapon” to stoke fear of climate change and promote a liberal agenda.

Meanwhile, Limbaugh, who lives in Palm Beach, is evacuating. But what happens to the suckers who listen to him and Jones and don’t take these storms seriously?


Late Night Political Humor

Last night President Trump said of his critics, “I went to better schools than they did. I was a better student than they were. I live in a bigger, more beautiful apartment. And I live in the White House, too.” Then someone handed Trump a fidget spinner and he quieted right down. – Conan O’Brien

Last night President Trump spoke at a rally in Arizona and really fired up his supporters. He opened his speech by saying, “Our movement is a movement built on love.” In other words, he started with his best joke. – Conan O’Brien

In her new book, Hillary Clinton calls Donald Trump a “creep” who “made her skin crawl.” When he heard, Trump smiled and said, “I still got it.” – Conan O’Brien

At yesterday’s Trump rally, the crowd was chanting “CNN Sucks!” And man, you do not want to hear what they had to say about the Science Channel. – Conan O’Brien

It is being reported that President Trump is no longer speaking to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. Upon hearing this, Melania went to McConnell and said, “Teach me, Master.” – Conan O’Brien

In Saudi Arabia, a 14-year-old boy was detained for dancing to the Macarena. You know, I don’t say this often but I’m going to side with the Saudi government on this one. – Conan O’Brien

Some parents in California are mad that a kindergarten teacher read their kids a book about transgenderism. It was the Dr. Seuss classic, “Cat in the Hat Who Identifies as a Dog.” – Conan O’Brien


Bought and Paid For Journalism

Never heard of Sinclair Broadcast Group? Well you should know them, because they very well could be filling your head with far-right-wing propaganda. And if Donald Trump has his way, it will get far worse. Believe me.


Old-school Neo-Nazis

© Keef Knight

As long as Donald Trump keeps clarifying his statements on Charlottesville, we may as well join in. After all, he has taken almost every possible position except this one.


The Two Faces of Donald Trump

Donald Trump fired his longtime aide George Gigicos, who has planned almost all of Trump’s rallies since the start of the presidential campaign. Why? Because there weren’t enough people at Trump’s rally in Phoenix.

Of course, that didn’t stop Trump from bragging about the size of the rally, calling it a “packed house” and saying a week later “You saw the massive crowd we had.”

All lies.

Meanwhile, as Hurricane Harvey continues to pummel SE Texas with record-breaking rain and flooding, rescue crews are having problems:

They’re making it difficult for us to rescue them. You have people rushing the boat. Everyone wants to get in at the same time. They’re panicking. Water is rising. … We have boats being shot at if we’re not picking everybody up… they’re kind of under attack.

That’s right, people in Texas are shooting at rescue boats.

But according to Donald Trump:

We see neighbor helping neighbor, friend helping friend and stranger helping stranger. We are one American family. We hurt together, we struggle together and believe me, we endure together.

Making America Great Again.


Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Aug 22, 2017]

Before announcing his decision on Afghanistan, President Trump was said to have made a ‘rigorous’ review of the issue. Yes, Trump said, “I must have read at least four tweets about it!” – Conan O’Brien

In his speech on Afghanistan, President Trump said, “Attack we will.” Then Trump introduced his new military strategist: General Mad Dog Yoda. – Conan O’Brien

There were a lot of protestors at a rally today in Phoenix attended by President Trump and Vice President Pence. Things got awkward when it turned out that the “Impeach Trump” chants were being led by Mike Pence. – Conan O’Brien

Mark Wahlberg has been named 2017’s highest-paid male actor. Today, Mark said, “I don’t know why either.” – Conan O’Brien

There’s a new beer coming out that contains marijuana. Unfortunately, the inventor cannot for the life of him remember how he made it. – Conan O’Brien

India has outlawed its long, long practice of “instant divorce.” However, India will still continue to offer its popular “Cool Ranch Divorce.” – Conan O’Brien

Arby’s is celebrating the “Game of Thrones” season finale by offering its customers a giant turkey leg. It’s all part of their “Game of Thrones” tie-in, “Diarrhea is Coming”. – Conan O’Brien


Record Breaking Loser

Donald Trump has broken a presidential record. He has now achieved the lowest approval rating in his first year in office of any president, ever, and he even has five months left in his first year! The first year is supposed to be the honeymoon, so Trump can expect to go downhill from here.

So what happens next? I mean, besides Trump’s cowardly attempt to use a natural disaster (Hurricane Harvey) to hide his pathetic pardon of racist Joe Arpaio, again attack transgendered soldiers, and piss off conservatives by booting out Sebastian Gorka.

Could Trump go any lower? Of course! What happens when the economy starts to go south? You know, like caused by the government shutdown that Trump is threatening if we don’t pay for his stupid wall, or more natural disasters (what’s next, locusts?), or a trade war with China, or a nuclear armed conflict with North Korea (or sinking deeper into the quicksand of Afghanistan), or any number of other things that Trump is likely to do (perhaps just to get attention).

Or when Robert Mueller issues his report on all the crimes that Trump has committed (and he’s got so many to choose from, both before and after he became president).

Or when conservative media like Breitbart start attacking Trump. Even the Wall Street Journal just called Trump a RINO.

Who knows?

© Ruben Bolling


Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Aug 17, 2017]

In a tweet this morning, President Trump called Confederate statues “beautiful”. People were shocked because it’s the first time Trump has complimented anything that’s over 40 years old. – Conan O’Brien

Trump thinks these 100-year-old Confederate monuments are beautiful. Which is weird. Usually Trump doesn’t call anything beautiful if it’s over 30 years old. – James Corden

President Trump tweeted this morning that he’s “sad” over the removal of our “beautiful statues”. Of course, Trump may just be sticking up for his fellow bronze-colored symbols of hate. – Conan O’Brien

I love how he’s trying to pretend these white supremacists are art lovers and historical preservationists. “Grab your tiki torch and swastika, Bob, they’re trying to take our sculptures away.” He knows we’re not building one for him, right? – Jimmy Kimmel

I saw that a life-sized statue of President Trump was just installed on a park bench here in New York. Even pigeons were like, “I’m gonna take my business elsewhere.” – Jimmy Fallon

This morning, on Twitter, Donald Trump complained about Confederate statues being taken down, saying that our country is being ripped apart by the removal of these beautiful Confederate monuments. “Beautiful Confederate monuments” — or as pigeons call them, “toilets”. – James Corden

Speaking of statues, did you see this today? The president tweeted that removing Confederate statues takes beauty out of our parks that can never be replaced. Then he said, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go cut down a bunch of trees to build a hotel and golf course.” – Jimmy Fallon

President Trump is having a historically bad week, which he kept going strong with a string of combative tweets this morning. He makes one good point. If we’re going to start taking down every monument that pays tribute to racists, we should probably take down every building with the name “Trump” on it. – Jimmy Kimmel

“There’s literally no difference between Robert E. Lee and George Washington” — that’s a quote from Donald Trump. Literally no difference, except there’s literally a difference, like literally their names are different. You literally don’t know what literally means. – James Corden

The dating site OkCupid is banning white supremacists. So, white supremacists will have to look for love where they usually do — family reunions. – Jimmy Fallon

Some white supremacists are now upset because they’re taking DNA tests and discovering they’re part black. And you know who’s even more upset? Their black ancestors. – Conan O’Brien

President Trump said that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un’s choice to not attack Guam was a “wise and well-reasoned decision.” Trump said, “Someday I’m gonna make one of those.” – Conan O’Brien

The American Cancer Society has decided not to host its charity event at Trump’s resort, Mar-a-Lago. You know it’s not a good sign for Trump when he’s considered too toxic for cancer. – Conan O’Brien

Today was National Thrift Shop Day. And to celebrate, our president is 99 percent off. – Seth Meyers

Meanwhile, the vice president, Mike Pence, cut his trip to Central America short to come back to Washington with all this going on. He was in the White House today measuring the drapes. – Jimmy Kimmel

A song which consists of nearly 10 minutes of silence has made it to the top 50 purchases on the iTunes charts. Said Mike Pence, “This rocks!” – Seth Meyers

We haven’t heard much about Russia lately, but this is interesting. They did an international survey, and most countries now have more confidence in Vladimir Putin than Donald Trump. Out of 37 countries, 22 of them said they have more faith in Putin. Other countries are now watching “Rocky IV” and hoping Drago wins. – Jimmy Kimmel

Only 5 percent of Mexicans say they trust Trump, which still seems like a lot. That’s like 5 percent of Smurfs trusting Gargamel. – Jimmy Kimmel

Axios today published a list of groups that President Trump has alienated during his first seven months of office. And now the world is out of paper. – Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton is coming out with a book called “What Happened.” Out of habit, Bill Clinton immediately came out with his own book called “Baby, I Can Explain.” – Conan O’Brien

In a new interview, Kim Kardashian revealed that she did karaoke with former President Obama. Said Obama, “That was just the National Anthem…” – Seth Meyers

Twenty-year-old Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzai has been accepted to Oxford University. When she puts her Nobel Prize on the shelf, her roommate will quietly put away all her youth soccer trophies. – Jimmy Fallon

You know the band Belle and Sebastian? Well, they accidentally left the drummer behind at a Walmart in his pajamas, with no phone or wallet. So they called Walmart to see if there was a guy wandering around in his PJs with no phone or wallet, and Walmart said, “You gotta be WAY more specific.” – Jimmy Fallon

The jackpot is up, an enormous sum. Playing the Powerball is a great way to spend quality time with strangers outside gas stations. – Jimmy Kimmel

If you win and decide to take the money in a lump sum, $324 million before taxes. And I’m not an expert on finances, but you should take the lump sum. The way things are going right now, you may not make it to your second installment. – Jimmy Kimmel

Some schools are giving kids an Eclipse Day, a day off, because they’re worried teachers might not be able to protect their eyes. These kids haven’t looked up from their phones since January. – Jimmy Kimmel

A man in Texas accused of having sex with a chain link fence failed to appear in court last week and is now on the run from police. Which is weird because it sounds like he would have a great time in the prison yard. – Seth Meyers


Total Flop

This has to be the flip-flop of the year. Is Donald Trump really going to hold the federal budget hostage just because he is a terrible negotiator?


Hidden Messages

Last week, the Presidential Committee on the Arts and the Humanities disbanded themselves in protest of Donald Trump, but they did something interesting in their letter of resignation. The first letter of each paragraph spelled out R-E-S-I-S-T.

Not to be outdone, this week the State Department science envoy resigned, and the first letters of his resignation letter spelled out I-M-P-E-A-C-H.