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Late Night Humor

“It turns out the Chinese faked part of the opening ceremonies. They made the fireworks look more lively. It’s the same technology they use for John McCain.” -Craig Ferguson

“John Edwards, presidential aspirant and author of the famed claim that there are two Americas, was apparently only faithful to his wife in one of them. Apparently he didn’t realize that the National Enquirer had reporters stationed in the other America, where he was, in fact, banging his videographer.” -Jon Stewart

“You know, [Bush] really is adorable. He shouldn’t be our president. He should be our mascot.” -Jon Stewart

“Barack Obama said today he wouldn’t raise taxes on anyone over 70 … and McCain said Obama was just pandering to the youth vote.” -Craig Ferguson

“Now we move to our anti-Olympic update. Russia has taken a commanding lead over Georgia! Trouncing the former Soviet satellite 10,000 bombs to one.” -Jon Stewart

“War. It’s just God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” -Jon Stewart

“John McCain has been accused of stealing policy ideas from Wikipedia, which is ridiculous! Everybody knows McCain doesn’t know how to use the Internet, so how could you even accuse him of that?” -Craig Ferguson

“And now comes proof that McCain has learned to use a computer, because evidently, he has plagiarized from the internets. Congressional Quarterly reported this week that John McCain may have copied some facts in a recent speech on the Georgian crisis from Wikipedia. I think it should have been obvious when he referred to the country’s leader as President 404 Error: File Not Found.” -Stephen Colbert

“Now, I think McCain getting his facts from Wikipedia is great news. Wikipedia gets its facts from the American people, which means McCain is now using the people’s voice. Or at least lip-synching to it. Plus, the internet can be a creepy place, but it’s a lot less creepy than McCain’s previous source of foreign policy information, Joe Lieberman. Ironically, Lieberman often needs similar help when he gets confused about the difference between Republicans and Democrats.” –Stephen Colbert 


One Comment

  1. David Gerard wrote:

    John McCain and Wikipedia is more innocent, I think (speaking as a Wikipedia editor) – obviously he said to a speechwriter “I want something on Georgia, say this and this” and the guy went “sure thing” and ahh got a bit lazy. Comedy potential, though.

    Wednesday, August 20, 2008 at 4:03 am | Permalink