“Governor Sarah Palin gave her speech tonight at the GOP Convention, and it gave people who didn’t know anything about her the chance to finally meet her, you know, like John McCain.” -Jay Leno

“I gotta admit, she looked very comfortable at the podium ’cause it’s kinda like Alaska: you look out on that convention floor, nothing but white as far as the eye can see.” -Jay Leno

“I don’t know if you noticed this, but at the GOP convention, the cameramen are desperately trying to find minorities in the audience they could zoom in on, ’cause this is what they do. Finally, after an hour, they found one. It was a Presbyterian standing in a group of Methodists.” -Jay Leno

“Vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has many views. She says she’s opposed to same-sex marriage. Did you know that? Yeah, Palin says everyone knows marriage isn’t for gay people; it’s for pregnant teenagers.” -Conan O’Brien

“Speaking of Sarah Palin, she said she’s a life-long member of the National Rifle Association. Which may explain why she’s in favor of shotgun weddings.” -Conan O’Brien

“You know, Sarah Palin, John McCain selected her to be the vice presidential running mate on the Republican ticket, and she’s also the governor of Alaska, and outdoors, likes the outdoors, likes assault rifles, has a collection of rifles, likes to shoot assault rifles. I’ll say this for her daughter’s boyfriend: the kid’s got guts.” -David Letterman

“The whole extended Palin family arrived this morning in St. Paul. They even brought the high-school kid who knocked her daughter up along. His name is Levi Johnston. That’s gotta be a fun trip for him with the in-laws.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Joe Lieberman? John McCain lasted five-and-a-half years in a POW camp in North Vietnam; even he couldn’t get through Joe Lieberman’s speech.” -David Letterman

“Earlier tonight, I don’t know if you saw it, Sarah Palin gave a tremendous speech to the Republicans, though some are claiming it was actually her daughter’s speech.” -David Letterman

“Delegates were captivated by Palin’s speech; at one point while she was speaking, the room got so quiet, you could hear Larry Craig’s toilet flush.” -David Letterman

“Obviously, they’re keeping the less popular Republicans out of the spotlight. President Bush gave a speech last night which couldn’t have been more than five minutes long. Dick Cheney is in Azerbaijan, which I think is the farthest possible point from Minneapolis on the globe, and they actually locked Senator Larry Craig in the convention center men’s room. Either that or he locked himself in, I’m not sure.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“I don’t want to say the Republicans are trying to distance themselves from President Bush, but did you see last night? Did you see when Bush was speaking by satellite they kept trying to change the channel?” -Jay Leno

“Joe Lieberman, who ran in 2000 as a Democrat with Al Gore, remember he was the vice presidential nominee, spoke last night at the Republican Convention. A Democrat at the Republican Convention. That’s like Bill Clinton speaking at a sexual abstinence rally.” -Jay Leno

Share