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Late Night Political Humor

“Cindy McCain appeared at the Republican National Convention, and Vanity Fair took a look at an outfit she wore. The magazine priced it out at around $300,000. With that kind of money, you could buy an 11th house.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Should we be nervous about a man who preaches against wasteful spending when his wife is wearing $300,000?” -Jimmy Kimmel

“If Cindy McCain were a plane, Sarah Palin would sell her on eBay.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“There was a story going around that said Oprah doesn’t want to have Sarah Palin on her show. Oprah claims there have been absolutely no discussions about having Palin on, but that she would love to after the campaign is over. Apparently, between ‘Nate Berkus’ Bathroom Makeovers’ and ‘The Best Jeans for Curvy Women,’ they’re all booked up. They don’t have a slot open. It has nothing to do with Obama.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“McCain took a swipe at Obama. Did you see, in the speech? He said, ‘I’m not running for president because I think I’m blessed with such personal greatness that history has anointed me to save our country in its hour of need. No, I’m running because my wife wants another house.” -Bill Maher

“McCain was introduced at the convention last night by his wife. I won’t say ‘trophy wife’, but she did have $300,000 worth of clothes and jewelry on — no matter to the party of the little guy. But Cindy McCain talked about how his character, honor, and integrity made him the exact kind of married man she was looking to pick up at a bar.” -Bill Maher

“And how about the other woman at the convention? How about the new star of the Republican party, Ms. Sarah Palin? Wow. The media loves her. The headlines were all ‘Palin delivered.’ I said, another baby?” -Bill Maher

“This is the first convention I could remember, where they didn’t say the name of the man who should be the titular head of the party. He is the president of the United States, George Bush. Except for the protestors outside, you never heard that name, or any reference to George Bush, except for the part about loving children with special needs.” -Bill Maher

“Bush didn’t make the convention because the hurricane, Gustav, hit New Orleans, but actually didn’t. Bush was at the Hurricane Command Center, taking credit for a perfect emergency response to a perfect non-emergency. Although he actually did cause some panic, because viewers at home saw him sitting there, doing nothing, and they thought maybe it was another terrorist attack.” -Bill Maher

“Fashion Week here in New York City. And a sure sign that it’s Fashion Week, all of the guys in the Village are dressed as Sarah Palin.” -David Letterman

“Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is out on the campaign trail. Today, she attended a rally in Wisconsin. The Alaska Governor said she was thrilled to visit Wisconsin. because she’s never been to the Deep South.” -Conan O’Brien

“Oprah Winfrey’s in the middle of a big scandal, because she is refusing to have Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin on her show. The friction started because Palin said if she’s elected, she’ll be the most powerful woman in the country. And Oprah said, ‘The hell you will!'” -Conan O’Brien

“During John McCain’s speech last night, an anti-Republican heckler began yelling at him. Yeah. Officials removed the man and immediately gave him a job at MSNBC.” -Conan O’Brien

“Hey, did you all see John McCain last night? He gave a great speech. And you’ve got to admit, he looked so life-like, didn’t he?” -Jay Leno

“As you know, several times, McCain talked about serving his country in Vietnam, which is a nice change after 16 years and two presidents who could never quite explain how they got out of serving their country in Vietnam.” -Jay Leno

“Last night, John McCain said that under the Democratic health care plan, a bureaucrat would stand between you and your doctor, as opposed to the Republican health care plan, where an accountant would stand between you and your health care.” -Jay Leno

“Actually, some Republicans are not that thrilled with the speech. In fact, the rumor is Sarah Palin is thinking of dropping him from the ticket.” -Jay Leno


One Comment

  1. Richard wrote:

    The last one is best. Great.

    Tuesday, September 9, 2008 at 5:09 am | Permalink