Skip to content

The Presidential Candidates are Tools

OnlyKnives has come out with two Presidential Multi-tools — The “Maverick” and the “Change”:

The McCain Maverick features:

  • An electric drill, so you can “drill baby drill”
  • A clothes hanger, to anger pro-life and pro-choice voters alike
  • A Geiger counter
  • A pry bar, to get rid of that pesky Bush legacy
  • An abacus, to help balance the budget
  • A defibrillator, to keep that heart going
  • And lipstick, suitable for various barnyard animals

The Obama Change features:

  • A celebrity love meter that displays Obama’s Q score
  • Super glue, to keep the Democratic Party together (formulated especially for former Clinton supporters)
  • A muzzle, for loudmouths and former pastors
  • A spatula for flipping waffles
  • An elephant prod, suitable for disgruntled Republican Congresscritters
  • A money clip, for all those campaign contributions