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Late Night Political Humor

“Hey, have you all started making your summer vacation plans? I’m not sure what to do this year. I’m stuck between a Somali pirate cruise or a trip to a Mexican pig farm.” – Jay Leno

“A beautiful day here in New York City, wasn’t it? But it was cold, so cold that I was wearing two swine flu masks.” – David Letterman

“But, hey, people are very worried about this swine flu epidemic, but the best course of action is prevention. Like, if you go to IHOP and you order the pigs in the blanket, and you notice they’re coughing, you don’t want to eat that.” – Jay Leno

“No, actually, that’s a fallacy, too. They said today you cannot get swine flu from eating pork, which, of course, raises the question, so what were these guys doing with the pig?” – Jay Leno

“How about that swine flu? The government is saying forget about nonessential air travel, an example of which would be flying Air Force One really low over New York City.” – David Letterman

“The economy is so bad that today, the White House flew a Southwest plane over the Statue of Liberty.” – Jay Leno

“There’s a new restaurant opening in Chicago called Felony Franks, which gives jobs to convicted felons. Yeah, isn’t that amazing? Yeah. Imagine that, you could get your meal served to you by a former Illinois governor.” – Jay Leno

“Senator Arlen Specter has a new reality show ? ‘I’m a Republican Get Me Out of Here!'” –Jay Leno

“Seventy-nine-year-old Arlen Specter is now switching to the Democratic Party, which is a big loss for Republicans. You know, when they lose that young blood, it hurts.” – Jay Leno

“Earlier tonight, President Barack Obama took an hour of TV time to address the American people, but the Fox network didn’t air it, choosing instead to run their regular program ‘Lie to Me,’ which, I believe, was the name of the Republican response, actually.” – Jay Leno

“The President held a press conference tonight in prime time. All the major networks carried it, except Fox. They ran the show ‘Lie to Me’ instead of the president. Fox is something — they killed President David Palmer off ’24,’ they put his brother, President Wayne Palmer, into a permanent coma, and now this. What does Fox have against black Presidents?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Today was President Obama’s 100th day in office. Isn’t that amazing? Actually, when you think about it, George W. Bush was president for eight years, and he never came close to spending 100 days in the office. So, we’re way ahead.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama is celebrating his first 100 days in office. How about that? I don’t care whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican, this guy has really had quite a lot to deal with. I mean, let’s take a look at the list — recession, two wars, swine flu, runaway Air Force One. Crazy.” – David Letterman

“Today marks 100 days of President Obama being in office, which is a big deal because 100 days is when his warranty runs out. We couldn’t return him now if we wanted to.” – Jimmy Kimmel


One Comment

  1. Very fun! Good job!

    Monday, May 4, 2009 at 5:37 pm | Permalink