Political Irony

“There’s talk that the elections last week in Afghanistan were rigged. Boy, I didn’t see that coming.” – David Letterman

“Couple of years ago down in Cuba, Fidel Castro they thought, oh, he might be dying because he had some kind of surgery and he is an older fellow, in is 80s. But now, over the weekend, it’s all Fidel Castro. He is everywhere. And he was on television. He looked fit. He looked healthy. He looked happy. He was so impressive, as a matter of fact, CIA is actually thinking of sending Squeaky Fromme down there to take a shot at him.” – David Letterman

“Meteorologists are now saying Hurricane Bill has been downgraded to a tropical depression. They say Bill officially hit the depression stage after a surprise run-in with Hurricane Hillary.” – Conan O’Brien

“Speaking of former President Clinton, this is weird. Former President Clinton recently had to clear out of his office for a few days because it’s infested with bed bugs. Experts are calling it the 500th reason President Clinton shouldn’t be allowed to have a bed in his office.” – Conan O’Brien

“Barack Obama is taking a vacation on Martha’s Vineyard. Earlier today, you know, bound to happen, awkward moment. He is out on the beach, runs into John McCain looking for coins with a metal detector.” – David Letterman

“But President Obama says he’s going to play golf, he’s going to swim, and he’s going to work his way through the Julia Child cookbook.” – David Letterman

“But Obama is spending the week at a $30,000 dollar-a-week beach house. And they call this guy a socialist? Come on!” – David Letterman

“But Obama is going to take two weeks to unwind, as opposed to President Bush, who never wound.” – David Letterman

“Fox News host Glenn Beck has lost over 30 sponsors since he called President Obama a racist. And the latest sponsor that he just lost is Clorox bleach. That’s amazing. Even a company whose sole purpose is to make things whiter thinks Glenn Beck has gone too far.” – Conan O’Brien

“Well, ‘cash for clunkers’ ended today. But they’re coming out with a new ‘cash for clunkers’ program that will give consumers a rebate when they trade in old home appliances. Have you heard that? It’s great news for anyone who owns a Buick toaster oven.” – Conan O’Brien

“Anybody take advantage of the government’s ‘cash for clunkers’ program? I was able to unload a couple of shows from last week.” – David Letterman

“Miss Venezuela is our new Miss Universe, ladies and gentlemen. Beautiful, beautiful. She came out dressed as a barrel of overpriced oil.” – David Letterman

“But the Miss Universe pageant is fascinating. It’s judged on poise — you have to have poise — judged on beauty, and also how you walk in high heels. What a coincidence, it’s also how the Republicans pick a vice presidential candidate. The same criteria.” – David Letterman