“A year ago today, Barack Obama was elected president. It’s been a year, can you believe that? Yeah. A lot’s happened. Yeah. In one short year, Obama’s slogan has gone from, ‘Yes, we can,’ to ‘Wow, this is freakin’ hard.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Do you believe it’s been a year since Barack Obama was elected president? Amazing, huh? Well, actually, there’s been some changes. His new slogan is now, ‘Yes, we can, but don’t hold your breath.'” – Jay Leno

“Reporters are saying President Obama has been skipping meals lately, and now photographs show he has lost a lot of weight. Folks, if this is true, then maybe Obama really has lost touch with the American people.” – Conan O’Brien

“A lot of people have been noticing that President Obama is getting very skinny. Have you noticed this? And he is thin. If it wasn’t for his ears he’d weigh less than 100 pounds.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Insiders say that Obama has been too busy to eat, which is a problem President Clinton never seemed to have.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“On Saturday night, the President and Mrs. Obama had a couple thousand kids at the White House and instead of candy, they gave out dried fruit. That’s great. You go to the White House, you stand in a security line for three hours, they give you a bag of prunes?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“In his first year in office, President Obama has traveled to 16 foreign countries, more than any other president in history. Bush only traveled to 11, but most of those were just different parts from the ‘It’s a Small World’ ride.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Former President Bush is in Japan, and he was met with protesters carrying signs that said, ‘Arrest Bush’ and ‘Bush is a war criminal.’ Yeah. When he saw the signs, Bush said, ‘Thanks for making me feel at home. Appreciate it.'” – Conan O’Brien

“I kind of wish Al Gore had been with us last night to kind of help out with the audience last night because, oh, my goodness. Over the course of the show the climate went from bad to worse.” – David Letterman

“Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, scolded Pakistan leaders for not going after Al Qaeda and just pretending that they didn’t see a problem that everyone else in the world could see. Ouch. How about that, huh? Imagine, Hillary Clinton lecturing you on turning a blind eye to a problem that the rest of the world could see.” – Jay Leno

“The White House has approved a new plan to pay — they’re going to pay members of the Taliban to change sides and support the U.S. And if it works there, they’re going to try it with Fox News.” – Jay Leno

“Actually, the program’s got kind of a catchy title. It’s called ‘Don’t ask, don’t Taliban.'” – Jay Leno

“The government says this swine flu vaccine shortage could last through December. Through December. Great. Now I’ll go to the mall and see Santa sitting there with a big, red nose, probably from the flu instead of the usual alcoholism.” – Jay Leno

“Now, why is there a swine flu vaccine shortage? You ever notice in this country, we never seem to run out of illegal drugs. You know, we should pay the guys who make crystal meth to start making this stuff.” – Jay Leno

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