Conservatives Republicans have decided that the world must be remade to match their ideology. First they proposed a “purity test” — a ten-point checklist of conservative positions. In order for a candidate to receive funding from the national Republican Party, they must be able to prove that they support at least eight items on the checklist. Unfortunately, it isn’t clear whether Reagan would have passed this test.
But if that isn’t bad enough, the Conservative Bible Project is attempting to rewrite the Bible to put it more in line with conservative principles. Led by Andy Schlafly, the son of Phyllis Schlafly and founder of Conservapedia.com (the conservative answer to wikipedia.org), they eschew current translations of the Bible because they were all translated by professors, and as we all know “Professors are the most liberal group of people in the world.”
Some of the changes they are making are relatively minor, such as removing gender neutral language. So instead of Jesus calling his disciples “fishers of people”, they want to change it to “fishers of men”. They also don’t like words like “comrade” so it is being replaced by “volunteer”.
But some of the changes are bigger. For example, virtually every translation of the Bible in existence has Jesus on the cross praying for his killers, saying “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” But apparently forgiveness must not be a conservative trait, because the project’s authors claim that liberals put that in — and are removing it.
I’m curious what other changes will be necessary in order to be in line with modern conservative positions (you know, like supporting torture, permanent war, homophobia, racism, etc.).
UPDATE: Stephen Colbert will be interviewing Andrew Schlafly next Tuesday. Also, he did a hilarious report on the conservative rewrite of the bible back in October: