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Late Night Political Humor

“Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints. They defeated my Indianapolis Colts. So all I can say is, ‘Don’t worry, Indianapolis, FEMA is on the way.'” – David Letterman

“Did everybody watch the Super Bowl? Everybody’s happy for New Orleans. In fact, FEMA announced plans to congratulate them in about two weeks.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Well, congratulations to the world champion New Orleans Saints for winning the Super Bowl. That’s the best thing to happen to New Orleans since George Bush left office.” – Jay Leno

“A lot of Republicans attended President Obama’s Super Bowl party. And I thought oh, yeah, they care about New Orleans, now!” – David Letterman

“China and the United States have been locked into a series of trade disputes. President Obama said this week that China is putting U.S. exports at a disadvantage. Well, of course, U.S. exports are at a disadvantage. You know why? All our U.S. exports are made in China.” – Jay Leno

“Anybody snowed in in the big blizzard? Like, over two feet, down there in Washington. D.C. completely ground to a halt. Absolutely nothing going on. Well, how you can tell the difference?” – David Letterman

“It was so cold in Washington that the new senator from Massachusetts, Scott Brown, was actually wearing pants.” – David Letterman

“You know who I am talking about? The new senator from the state of Massachusetts. Before he got into politics, he had two jobs. He was a go-go boy. And he was also a nude model. And they swore him in last week. It was a moving ceremony. He put his hand on a copy of ‘Cosmo’.” – David Letterman

“Over the weekend, Sarah Palin was speaking to a group called the Tea Party Group. And she received a hundred thousand dollars in payment. Now, of course, she was paid in pelts, but still.” – David Letterman

“And to go to this Tea Party deal, it was a 350 bucks a plate. And if you wanted a glass or a cup, well, that was more.” – David Letterman

“But 350 bucks a plate and a lot of people say, ‘Whoa! Dave, that seems a little pricey.’ Yes, but for 350, a guy will come to your table and waterboard a lobster.” – David Letterman

“On Saturday, Sarah Palin looked at notes written on her hand during a speech at the Tea Party Convention in Tennessee. Isn’t that wild? Oddly enough, she was reading, ‘Hi, I’m Sarah Palin.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Dr. Conrad Murray charged today with the death of Michael Jackson. He is headed to jail. Could lose his medical license. So, see, there’s healthcare reform.” – Jay Leno


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