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The Onion on 9/11

Everything The Onion has done about 9/11. A fitting way to remember the 9th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.

The headlines alone are worth it. Here are a few examples:

Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell — The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na’ar, Islam’s Hell.

Not Knowing What Else To Do, Woman Bakes American-Flag Cake — Feeling helpless in the wake of the horrible Sept. 11 terrorist attacks that killed thousands, Christine Pearson baked a cake and decorated it like an American flag Monday.

God Angrily Clarifies ‘Don’t Kill’ Rule — “I don’t care how holy somebody claims to be,” God said. “If a person tells you it’s My will that they kill someone, they’re wrong. Got it? I don’t care what religion you are, or who you think your enemy is, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else’s, ever again.”

Bush Sr. Apologizes To Son For Funding Bin Laden In ’80s — “I’m sorry, son. We thought it was a good idea at the time because he was part of a group fighting communism in Central Asia. We called them ‘freedom fighters’ back then. I know it sounds weird. You sort of had to be there.”

President Urges Calm, Restraint Among Nation’s Ballad Singers — “To America’s recording artists, I just want to say, please, there has already been enough suffering. The last thing we need right now is a soaring Barbra Streisand-Brian McKnight duet titled ‘One For All.'”