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Reach Out and Touch … Yourself

The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can’t masturbate without lust.

– Christine O’Donnell, Tea Party, and now Republican candidate for the Senate, and founder of an organization opposed to masturbation.

Wouldn’t this Jimmy Kimmel routine be funnier if it were Karl Rove doing the masturbating? Then, when he recants, doing some ass kissing?



  1. Sammy wrote:

    What is more absurd is her ascertain that pleasuring oneself makes a man no longer need nor want a sexual partner. Yep. I guess that explains prostitution, night clubs, adultery. Oh, did I get that backwards?

    Friday, September 17, 2010 at 10:51 am | Permalink
  2. Don wrote:

    It’s always nice to start the morning with a good……laugh. ;>D

    Friday, September 17, 2010 at 11:08 am | Permalink
  3. Richard wrote:

    Fantastic. Made my day!

    Friday, September 17, 2010 at 1:03 pm | Permalink
  4. The Bible has a lot of things to say. Isn’t it great that we can pick and choose which ones to abide by?

    Friday, September 17, 2010 at 2:16 pm | Permalink
  5. Iron Knee wrote:

    Actually, the bible doesn’t mention masturbation at all.

    Friday, September 17, 2010 at 3:30 pm | Permalink
  6. christine o donnell wrote:

    actually the bible sort of mentions it. very briefly, and indirectly in genesis 38:9-10:

    “Genesis 38:9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
    Genesis 38:10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also. ”

    not really that compelling of a condemnation of masturbation but it has still been interpreted that way for a while now, regardless of the author’s original intent. that still doesnt change the fact that picking and choosing random phrases from a shitty book written by desert hicks a few millennia prior is a terrible thing to base one’s morals on, but there it is

    Friday, September 17, 2010 at 4:52 pm | Permalink
  7. Sammy wrote:

    I’ve heard that as the anti-masturbation Bible passage for many years, but wasn’t God pissed for Onan not fulfilling his duty to “fill” his sister-in-law with his seed? It wasn’t about wasting the semen, but not doing that which was his familial requirement. So it’s not really even picking and choosing Biblical phrases, but completely misinterpreting them too.

    Friday, September 17, 2010 at 5:48 pm | Permalink
  8. Dave TN wrote:

    And all this time I thought that when the republiecans were saying no to stimulus and worried about inflation I thought they were talking about the economy, who knew.

    Saturday, September 18, 2010 at 2:24 pm | Permalink
  9. Iron Knee: O’Donnel’s argument does not rely on the premise that the the Bible mentions masturbation. It relies on the premise that to lust in your heart is the same as adultery, and her personal conclusion is that you cannot masturbate without lust.

    O’donnell: Genesis 38:9 needs to be read in context. (All Biblical verses do, but let’s ignore the fact that nobody really places them in it when touting them.)

    A. Genesis 38:9 does not deal with masturbation. It deals with what the kids like to call “pulling out.”

    B. Genesis 38:9 also does not deal simply with the concept of spilling the seed upon the ground as some kind of “cover-all” sin. It deals with a very specific situation which cannot be reasonably considered a microcosm of how every man until the end of time should live his life. There is no implication of commandment upon all of mankind anywhere near this passage. It is an anecdote of one man failing to live up to whatever the Lord wanted of him in this particular instance. It has zero to do with the rest of us, and I beg direct proof that it does.

    Sunday, September 19, 2010 at 2:27 am | Permalink
  10. (I will not even touch on the idea that it is a humongous problem to find infallible guidance in a book which is clearly published and in all likelihood written by human beings, based on the idea that the words inside are the immutable words of God himself, only because people who were born before you were believe this to be so.)

    Sunday, September 19, 2010 at 2:39 am | Permalink
  11. ebdoug wrote:

    Dave TN: You missed your calling. Wouldn’t the late night shows love that one.

    Sunday, September 19, 2010 at 10:15 am | Permalink
  12. Radbodo am Hoog wrote:

    “The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery.” Well, she clearly says “in your HEART”. That’s exactly what she says. Not Knowing, that lust has its center in your BRAIN and elswhere. That means: The Heart Is The Heart. But you can masturbate with all other part of your body. 🙂

    Greetings from Germany

    Sunday, September 26, 2010 at 3:23 am | Permalink