“Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you’re trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you’re one president too late.” – David Letterman
“President Obama met with students in the Oval Office who have started their own businesses. Or, as those students are known on campus, ‘weed dealers.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Rich Lott, the Republican nominee and Tea Party-backed candidate for Congress in Ohio, has admitted that he dressed up in a Nazi uniform for a Nazi reenactment. He said he was just following orders. His campaign slogan: ‘In your heart you know he’s Reich.”’ – Jay Leno
“A Republican candidate for Congress in Ohio, a guy named Richard Iott, photos have surfaced of him dressed in a Nazi uniform. He would go to Nazi reenactments dressed as an SS Stormtrooper. He said he only dressed as a Nazi as a bonding ritual with his son. Really? Any other kids do that with their dads? ‘I don’t want to fish, I don’t want to play catch, Let’s dress up as Nazis!'” – Jay Leno
“Jerry Brown’s staff spent the weekend coming up with their new campaign slogan: ‘Just say ho.'” – Jay Leno
“Gubernatorial candidate Jerry Brown’s campaign is in trouble for allegedly calling her opponents Meg Whitman a ‘whore.’ And of course, now real whores are upset with Brown because they don’t want to be mixed up in politics. There are some things they won’t do.” – Jay Leno
“Google is investing in an offshore wind farm project that could provide electricity to 1.9 million homes on the East Coast. And not to be outdone, Yahoo just bought a brand new ceiling fan.” – Jimmy Fallon
