Skip to content

Oh Happy Day

[Reprinted from Margaret and Helen, who definitely deserve the last word on the election.]

Margaret, happy days are here again. The skies above are blue again. It really is just too good to be true. The Republican gains delivered by the Tea Party are almost more than I could hope for. I only wish that lovely Witch in Delaware could have come along for the party as well.

Now let’s see. Where do I begin? Our taxes will soon be about zero percent so let’s start spending today to get this economy back on track. The government will shrink to a size somewhat equal to the size of our military which means Social Security has to go. Those of us who were smart enough to save for a rainy day will be high and dry… for at least a few months. And I got a good check-up from my doctor recently so I don’t need my Medicare… for at least a few months.

Now about that black man in the Oval Office. It will take a few days to get impeachment hearings underway, but until then I hear they are moving him out of the White House and into that little room at the top of the Washington Monument so he can’t cause any more trouble. Oh and Ms. Pelosi is out too. How dare she take on the Health Insurance Industry. Didn’t she realize people own stock in those companies?

Gays are no more. They all left, presumably to join the French Army. And teen pregnancies are a thing of the past. Teens will no longer have sex. Except the Palins. The Palins will abandon teen pregnancies as easily as a camel will pass through the eye of an early pregnancy test stick. No. The Palins will continue to give birth to abstinence only babies. That we know for sure.

Abortion? Well everyone knows that was just a luxury American women really couldn’t afford anyway. And government will now be small enough to actually fit inside a woman’s uterus, so all women with unwanted pregnancies have left, presumably to join the French Army.

Sarah Palin has a clear path to the Presidency in 2012… which means we’ll have another presidential election in 2014 when she quits. No problems though. Michele Bachmann has been talking to God and he assures her that the two years as Vice President will fly by and she will be in the Oval Office before she knows it. Let’s all start a prayer group for her now.

I found it interesting that John Boehner declared that Washington has been put on notice. Considering how long he’s been a part of Washington, I say Politician heal thyself. Yes. Washington has been put on notice indeed. It’s been put on notice that Americans have the attention span of a gnat.

If there is one thing we learned last night, it is not that Americans are mad at their government. It’s not that Americans want lower taxes. It’s not even that Tea Party Americans who voted for McCain don’t like Barack Obama. We knew all that. What we learned last night is something we really should have known all along. Americans want what we don’t have. And once we have it, we no longer want it. 2012 will be here before we know it, and I wonder how we will feel then about what we have now.

No worries Margaret. Nothing changes quickly in Washington. And that is probably the best thing about our system of government. Time is on our side. Eventually Americans realized that slavery was unacceptable. Eventually Americans realized that women should be given the right to vote. Eventually Americans realized that Senior Citizens needed a little help at the end of their lives and those living in poverty needed a little leg up from time to time. Eventually we even realized that healthcare should be available for anyone who needs it…. errr. Well, it takes time. That’s my point.

Now go have some pie and take some time to enjoy your day. I mean it. Really.