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Late Night Political Humor

“Although many of her Republican colleagues were elected to the House, Christine O’Donnell ended up underneath it, with her feet curled up.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Our forefathers fought and died for our right to choose, and to honor them, today almost 12% of us went out and voted.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“In Jackson County, WV, machines have actually changed votes, which would explain why candidate Error 404 Page Not Found is headed to the House of Representatives.” – Stephen Colbert

“John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.” – Stephen Colbert

“All his life people have called John Boehner ‘Boner,’ and now America is going to pay. It’s the reason his brother Dick stayed out of politics altogether.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. It is the highest elected office ever to be reached by an Orange-American.” – Olivia Munn

“The Democrats lost the House. Big deal, a lot of Americans lost their houses. Why shouldn’t they?” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Tonight, we will be riding a gnarly GOP barrel all the way to tax cut beach!” – Stephen Colbert

“All we know for sure is that, if the past is any indication, one of these two men will be our nation’s next first black president.” – Stephen Colbert (on the race for Barack Obama’s old Senate seat)

“In the Kentucky Senate race, Rand Paul has been declared the victor. Rand Paul is a libertarian and a staunch opponent of regulation of any kind. So congratulations, Kentucky, your state bird is now a can of lead paint.” – Stephen Colbert

“Don’t get too bummed out, you can still use your ‘I Voted’ sticker to roll tiny little joints.” – Jimmy Kimmel (on the defeat of Prop 19 in California)

“What she should have done with the 142 million was make a ‘Terminator’ movie. That’s how our current Governor did it!” –Jimmy Kimmel (on Meg Whitman’s expensive loss)

“Russ Feingold was defeated for having progressive values. In Louisiana, David Vitter has absolutely destroyed his challenger by going out with hookers.” – Jon Stewart

“We are calling the West Virginia Senate race for Democrat Joe Manchin in a landslide. Now, technically, it’s only 11 points, but given West Virginia’s rich tradition of mining coal by blowing the tops off of mountains, pretty much everything that happens in that state is a landslide.” – Stephen Colbert

“The San Francisco Giants beat the Texas Rangers to win the World Series for the first time in 56 years. The fans back home celebrated with riots, overturning Priuses, throwing bottles of bio-dynamically farmed zinfandel and building huge clean-burning bonfires.” – Jimmy Kimmel


One Comment

  1. BTN wrote:

    Several of Colbert’s quotes were real winners in this batch, particularly the landslide and Boehner ones.

    Sunday, November 7, 2010 at 10:55 pm | Permalink