“The Situation from ‘Jersey Shore’ just shot a PSA with Bristol Palin about safe sex and abstinence. Wait, they wanted to do a PSA about not having sex and getting pregnant and they chose The Situation and Bristol Palin? Who’s doing their anti-drug campaign, Lindsay Lohan?” – Jimmy Fallon
“By the way, if he gets her pregnant, it’s officially designated The Situation womb.” – Jon Stewart
“A guy was so upset with Bristol Palin on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ that he shot his TV set with a shotgun. You would think a guy with a shotgun tucked between his couch cushions would be a Palin supporter.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“He became upset when Brandy was eliminated and not only shot his TV, but threatened to shoot himself. He either really hates Bristol Palin or really loves the show ‘Moesha.'” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A senior citizen was arrested after shooting his TV when Bristol Palin wasn’t kicked off of ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ Come on, John McCain, it’s been two years. Get over it. ” – Craig Ferguson
“Authorities say a 67-year-old man in Wisconsin was so enraged over Bristol Palin’s ‘Dancing with the Stars’ routine, he blasted his television with a shotgun. All I can say is I’m glad this guy doesn’t have TBS.” – Conan O’Brien
“Sunday night was the debut of the reality show, ‘Sarah Palin’s Alaska.’ It got huge ratings. Even people over in Russia were watching and they didn’t need TVs. They could see it from their porch. ” –Jay Leno
“Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski said that she doesn’t think Sarah Palin enjoyed being governor. Palin was like, ‘That’s absurd. If I didn’t enjoy being governor, I would have just quit in the middle of my — nevermind.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The new Oxford dictionary has declared Sarah Palin’s made-up word ‘refudiate’ the 2010 word of the year. When asked for her reaction to the dubious honor, Palin said she would not ‘dignitate’ it with a response.” – Jay Leno
“Down in Texas, ground breaking ceremonies for the George W. Bush center in Dallas. Ladies and gentlemen, thank god the comedy recession is over. Actually, the official name of the place is George W. Bush Presidential Center and Go-Kart Track. And water park. The George W. Bush Presidential Center is part of a $250 million complex. And by the way, I believe this is the first time the words ‘Bush’ and ‘complex’ have been used in same sentence.” – David Letterman
“George W. Bush’s famous ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner may be put in his Presidential Library. They plan to hang it up as soon as they start construction.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Former President George W. Bush’s new memoir has already sold 800,000 copies. In other news, the new Bush presidential library just purchased its first 800,000 books.” – Conan O’Brien
“Nancy Pelosi has now been elected the new House minority leader. She was smiling from ear to ear, which is pretty impressive considering how far her ears have been pulled back.” – Jay Leno
“Happy birthday to Rep. John Boehner from Ohio. If you want to get him a present, you can’t go wrong with bronzer. Or you can get him a giant bed so the banking, oil, and defense industries can get in it with him.” – David Letterman
“If Rep. Charles Rangel is found guilty by the ethics committee, they said they could expel him, but experts say that is not likely. See, that would set a bad precedent in Washington, punishing the guilty.” – Jay Leno
