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Late Night Political Humor

“John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody’s compensating for his small government.” – Stephen Colbert

“How about the new Speaker of the House, John Boehner. Have you seen this guy’s enormous gavel. I’m telling you, if in four hours, that gavel is still that size, he’s got to call a doctor.” – David Letterman

“In his first speech as Speaker, Boehner thanked his loved ones – tobacco lobbyists, the oil companies, the CEOs.” –Jay Leno

“John Boehner — doesn’t he look like every guy you’ve ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money.” – David Letterman

“Outgoing Speaker Nancy Pelosi gave a speech and handed the gavel to John Boehner. Very emotional moment for Pelosi, but she managed to keep a stiff upper lip, a tightly stretched forehead, and unnaturally arched eyebrows.” –Jay Leno

“The first order of business for the 112th Congress: blaming everything on the 111th Congress.” – Jay Leno

“Now that the Republicans have taken over the House, they’re going to repeal everything President Obama has done. They even told Michelle Obama that her vegetable garden has to go.” – David Letterman

“The new Republican-controlled House of Representative decided to start things off by reading the entire Constitution aloud. Then there was a break for lunch and a slave auction.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“According to a group that monitors government waste, the Republicans’ reading of the Constitution cost taxpayers a $1 million. Only politicians could spend money reading.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The Constitution is one of the most important documents in the history of the world, but it’s also very boring. It’s the kind of thing that makes you wish you never learned to read.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The new Congress adopted a rule that permits members to use electronic devices on the floor of the House. So let the sexting begin.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“An escaped prisoner in Alaska was on the run for six hours before he was finally caught near Sarah Palin’s hometown of Wasilla. When I think of safe places to run, I think ‘the woods near Sarah Palin’s house.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Birds are falling out of the sky in Arkansas and Louisiana and London. Today I saw my parakeet looking at the obituaries in the newspaper on the bottom of his cage, chirping, ‘Petey!'” – David Letterman

“Borders bookstores are struggling to stay in business. This could be the first time in our country that borders are actually closed.” – Jay Leno


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