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Getting High is Solution for Global Warming

The new president of the Marshall Islands has a problem on his hands. The rising global temperature is causing sea levels to rise, which threatens to obliterate his country. Which is a real downer.

His solution is unorthodox. By executive order, he has legalized the use of cocaine, “the real thing, uncut and pure, the best you can get.” Not only that, but he will be introducing a no-visa unrestricted entry program for tourists from any country.

The revenue from cocaine sales can be used to build defenses against the sea, or if all else fails, buy up more elevated islands in other parts of the Pacific. The Marshall Islands consist of five islands and 29 atolls, in the middle of the Pacific. Selling cocaine just might help the islanders to get high enough to escape the rising waters.

Also known because it was the site of the first tests of atomic bombs, the Marshall Islands seems to be an unwilling victim of Western Technology. But now they are turning the tide, and perhaps tourists will start calling this new destination, “the bomb”.

UPDATE: This story is satire.



  1. atwork wrote:

    What a sad waste. By the time they have the resources to make the changes they want, the place will be a disaster where nobody would want to live anyway.

    Friday, March 25, 2011 at 1:44 pm | Permalink
  2. ebdoug wrote:

    “For the Good of Mankind”Jack Niedenthal testing the atomic bomb on the Marshall Islands in the 1940s. It is already a mess.

    Friday, March 25, 2011 at 2:13 pm | Permalink
  3. Iron Knee wrote:

    Atwork — worse than underwater?

    Besides, cocaine was used in South America for centuries, and they still make coca leaf tea. Cocaine is legal in Portugal, and it is still a nice place to live.

    If you have some actual evidence as to how this will be a disaster, I’d love to hear about it.

    Friday, March 25, 2011 at 3:42 pm | Permalink
  4. PatriotSGT wrote:

    Way to go Marshall Islands, thats awesome. Talk about a creative solution to doomsday problem. Look out for the Mexican and Colombian cartels though. That kind of competition could be seen as a threat to their business.

    Friday, March 25, 2011 at 3:55 pm | Permalink
  5. Steve wrote:

    Fact check:

    “The attention of the Government of the Republic of the Marshall Islands has been drawn to a bizarre news item published in, which alleged that the country has legalized cocaine and liberalized immigration regulations. We wish to respond to this publication by stating in very clear and unequivocal terms that it is totally false, baseless and irresponsible.”

    Other stories on include Israel recognising Palestine as a sovereign state and withdrawing all settlements, and Japan ending all whaling. Yeah right.

    Friday, March 25, 2011 at 5:16 pm | Permalink
  6. Sammy wrote:

    If he allows the people there free access to it, the work will get finished a lot faster and a lot sooner.

    Friday, March 25, 2011 at 5:27 pm | Permalink
  7. PatriotSGT wrote:

    I get it, is trying to compete against FOXNEWS. I think with this one they just kicked Fox’s butt. Take that Glenn Beck, Ha.
    Good Call Steve.

    Friday, March 25, 2011 at 9:24 pm | Permalink
  8. saintrage wrote:

    Satire?! Damn, and I have already booked my tickets!

    Friday, March 25, 2011 at 9:31 pm | Permalink
  9. I should have known that that was satire. *kicks herself*

    No government would be that charmingly smart, now would they?

    Saturday, March 26, 2011 at 3:20 am | Permalink
  10. starluna wrote:

    Too bad its not true. I could have crafted an entire lecture on international sociology of law with this one. Maybe I will anyways.

    Saturday, March 26, 2011 at 8:51 am | Permalink