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Late Night Political Humor

“Finding bin Laden was like finding a needle in a country that swore it didn’t have needles.” – Stephen Colbert

‘He was living a half a mile from Pakistan’s version of West Point in a town surrounded by retired ex-military officers. Let me put it in New York City terms. Bin Laden was on 21st and Seventh Avenue; they were on 21st and Ninth Avenue. If the Pakistani military academy were Domino’s, they would have been delivered to bin Laden on foot.’ – Jon Stewart

“The CIA says bin Laden’s last words were, ‘Are you guys here about the dishwasher?'” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The hot new drink around the country is the bin Laden. It’s a Colt 45 and a shot that goes right to your head.” – Jay Leno

“It was so nice in New York City today that Navy SEALs raided a Jamba Juice.” – David Letterman

“The initial reports said that Osama bin Laden was killed by Navy SEALs, but now it appears that he was killed by actual seals.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“This is the best time ever to be a Navy SEAL — or a guy in a bar claiming to be a Navy SEAL.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The raid on bin Laden was carried out by an elite team of Navy SEALs called ‘Team 6.’ Not only did they kill bin Laden, they also killed Donald Trump’s shot at being president.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama has done something that no one else has been able to do. He got Donald Trump to shut up.” – Jay Leno

“Trump said that he hoped bin Laden suffered a lot. It looks like he got his wish, because the CIA said bin Laden spent his last hour watching ‘Celebrity Apprentice.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Intelligence experts think Osama bin Laden lived in the compound in Pakistan with all of his wives for six years. So I guess he did suffer.” – David Letterman

“The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they’ve granted President Obama full citizenship.” – David Letterman

“Yesterday Rush Limbaugh opened his show with ‘Thank God for President Obama.’ In other words, the Apocalypse has begun.” – Conan O’Brien

“Rush Limbaugh said yesterday that Obama never would have tracked down bin Laden if it weren’t for George W. Bush’s policies. Although in fairness, Obama never would have even been elected if it weren’t for George W. Bush’s policies.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Obama’s even getting a little cocky. Today he held a press conference and said, ‘Yeah, I was born in Kenya. What you gonna do about it?'” – Jay Leno

“The White House says they will release the Osama bin Laden death photo. Better yet, they’re doing it on a set of limited edition commemorative plates.” – Conan O’Brien

“Experts say the Osama bin Laden death photo will be the most viewed image in history. Second, of course, is Sharon Stone from ‘Basic Instinct.'” – Jay Leno

“There’s one thing we should thank bin Laden for. Because of his death, for one whole day, we didn’t talk about Charlie Sheen” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Saddam Hussein is dead, and Osama bin Laden is dead. If you’re Moammar Gadhafi, living in exile is starting to sound really good.” – Jay Leno

“NATO bombed Gadhafi’s compound in Tripoli. The bombing damaged countless antique rugs and curtains, leaving Gadhafi with absolutely nothing to wear.” – Jay Leno


One Comment

  1. Lisa Levy wrote:

    Jimmy Fallon’s joke about Limbaugh’s assertion is hysterical. I love the IRONY of that statement.

    Sunday, May 8, 2011 at 8:04 am | Permalink