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Late Night Political Humor

“Happy birthday to President Obama, who turned 50 years old. Whether you like him or not, it’s a tremendous success story. This guy was born in a hut in Kenya and grew up to be president of the United States.” – David Letterman

“It’s President Obama’s birthday. I can’t believe it’s been 50 years since his mother forged his birth certificate.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“It is complete inappropriate for the president to turn a year older when the nation is in crisis.” – Stephen Colbert

“Happy birthday to President Obama. It’s hard to believe that just a year ago, Obama was in his 40s and his approval rating was in the 50s. Now it’s the other way around.” – Jay Leno

‎”I say we live our lives the way our founding fathers intended: four-feet tall, crippled with rickets until we die of old age at 28.” – Stephen Colbert

“Obama got some lovely presents. China gave him an extension on his rent.” – David Letterman

“There was a big 50th birthday party for President Obama in Chicago. It was kind of ironic at the party; the richest 1% of the guests took 42% of the cake. That was kind of interesting.” – Jay Leno

“Today Michelle Obama urged her husband’s supporters to sign an e-card for his 50th birthday. Which explains why Joe Biden has magic marker all over his computer screen.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Because it’s the big 5-0, the White House released his vital numbers: they say his cholesterol is 209, blood pressure’s 105 over 62, but the number that is really going to kill him? Unemployment at 9.4%. That’s the bad one.” – Jay Leno

“A new poll shows that President Obama is losing support among voters in Florida, which explains why this morning he sent SEAL Team 6 out to get Casey Anthony.” – Conan O’Brien

“Political analysts say that Oprah Winfrey can help deliver to Obama the white, middle-class female vote. They also say Dr. Phil could deliver the fake doctor vote.” – Conan O’Brien

“Obama told his supporters that we’ve got Al Qaeda on the run. Apparently, Al Qaeda was in the stock market too.” – Jay Leno

“The stock market had its biggest one-day drop since 2008. Remember how the experts said we had to raise the debt ceiling or the market would crash? Well, they were half right.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“They say because of our national debt every child born in this country owes $50,000. China had a message for those kids: ‘We’re hiring! Come on down! Make sneakers.'” – Jay Leno

“Fox News will host the next Republican primary debate on Aug. 11 in Iowa. Yeah, Fox News will ask some tough questions, like ‘How much better are you than Obama,’ ‘Why is Obama such a bad president,’ and ‘Man, can you believe we elected that guy?” – Jimmy Fallon

“I was watching Fox News today. I lost a bet.” – David Letterman

“Several Fox News hosts criticized ‘Spongebob Squarepants’ for pushing a global warming agenda. Then things got really ugly when they demanded to see ‘Dora the Explorer’s’ immigration papers.” – Conan O’Brien

“A year ago the Chilean miners were rescued. The year before the feel-good story was the guy who landed the plane in the Hudson. So what’s the feel-good story of 2011? Anthony Weiner.” – David Letterman

“It’s being rumored that former Congressman Anthony Weiner, ‘the peter Tweeter,’ is being considered as a contestant on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ The producers haven’t told him one way or the other whether he’s going to get the job. Anthony Weiner is not the kind of guy you want to leave dangling.” – Jay Leno

“The whole 4th season of ‘Jersey Shore’ takes place in Italy. I had no idea the Pope even had a hot tub.” – Conan O’Brien


One Comment

  1. jay lenos Peter Tweater Dancing with the Stars wrote:

    prerfect choice good laugh

    Thursday, August 11, 2011 at 10:05 pm | Permalink