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Late Night Political Humor

“A new poll shows that, for the very first time, voters that view President Obama unfavorably outnumber those who view him favorably. In fact, if he gets any more unpopular, legally, he might have to run as a Republican.” – Jay Leno

“Ron Paul, of all people, is surging in the polls. When Mitt said, ‘My gloves are coming off,’ Ron Paul said, ‘OK, my teeth are coming out.’ And doctors have confirmed that Ron Paul is incapable of a sex scandal.” – David Letterman

“On the campaign trail, Ron Paul said he does not like his milk homogenized. After this, Rick Perry said, ‘I am also not a fan of gay milk.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney has called Newt Gingrich ‘zany.’ If they are taking a good look at Newt, honestly, one word comes to mind and it’s ‘zany’?” – David Letterman

“Now I wouldn’t be surprised if Romney hit Newt in the head with a rubber chicken.” – David Letterman

“Newt Gingrich signed a ‘no adultery’ pledge. Out of habit he signed it John Smith.” – Jay Leno

“In Sioux City, Iowa, there was another debate between the seven Republicans running for president. All your favorites were there: Grumpy, Dopey, the other Dopey, Romney, Bashful, another Dopey, and Happy.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“This was the 427th of 2,000 debates to be held between now and when President Obama is re-elected. There are so many debates. For a group of people who don’t want the government interfering in our lives a lot, they interfere in our lives a lot.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“According to a new CBS poll, 33 percent of Americans say they won’t have enough money to cover their holiday spending. I believe these people are called Congress.” – Jay Leno

“If there is a shutdown, 800,000 nonessential federal employees will be suspended. You know, maybe that’s our budget problem right there. We have 800,000 nonessential federal employees.” – Jay Leno



  1. Lou wrote:

    In defense of Ron Paul’s stance on Iran and the propensity of the U.S to engage itself in foreign wars, I would like to bring up a few facts which seem to elude so called conservatives, especially the Fox News pompous hatchet team of Bill O’Reilly, Chris Wallace, Brett Baier (I would like to smack the smirk off his face), Martha MacCallum and Megan Kelly. Apparently we have learned nothing from the Iraqi War or maybe we would just like to bury the facts. Let’s dig some up so people will remember or maybe learn for the first time.
    (1) The war cost us around 3 trillion dollars. (2) Without knowing the exact number to date over 4,400 U.S. troops were killed. (3) Over 30,000 U.S. troops wounded, many permanently disabled and disfigured. (4) Over 100,000 Iraqi soldiers and civilians killed. So what did the U.S get out of the war?
    (2) Let’s see, we can start with the company Halliburton. Halliburton was responsible for installing military bases, oil field repairs, and infrastructure rebuilding. The company made over 17 Billion dollars from the war. Now, let’s see just a few people in Halliburton who may have profited. These people either hold or held these positions. CEO Dick Cheney, Vice President of the U.S.; Board member William Simon, US Secretary of the Treasury; Board member Delano Lewis,U.S. Ambassador to S. Africa; Board member Ann Armstrong, U.S. Ambassador to the U.K.; Lawrence Eagleburger,U.S. Secretary of State; Kenneth Derr, CEO of Chevron; C.J.Silas,CEO of Phillips Petroleum.
    (3) Now let’s see DynCorp. DynCorp, a subsidiary of Veritas Capital was responsible for Iraqi troop training. DynCorp made 1.4 Billion from the war. Barry Mccaffey, one time White House Drug Czar is associated with DynCorp; Board member James Woolsey, CIA Director; Board member Marc Grossman U.S. Undersecretary for Political Affairs; Board member Joseph w. Prueher U.S. Ambassador to China;
    (4) The other main companies who profited are Washington International Group 931 million; Environmental Chemical 878 million; Bechtel,2.4 Billion; Aegis Defense Systems, 294 Million; Nour USA, 400 Million; General Dynamics, Billions; Chevron , Exxon, Shell, and Phillips possibly 200 Billion from oil production sharing agreements; Boing , millions
    Now let’s see what the American People got out of it. More security… NO, More money… NO, More happiness… NO. We got Death, sorrow, bills and unpopularity among millions of Mid Eastern people and the rest of the world.
    Hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqi citizens were killed, maimed and lost their homes. We have pulled out of Iraq and accomplished nothing! Oh, wait a minute, now I understand………..we saved their country from a dictator that we helped put into power and then we sacrificed the lives of over 4,400 U.S. soldiers and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis to take him out. WOW, what a great victory!! Oh I forgot, maybe we can steal some oil out of it.
    AFGHANISTAN is going in the same direction as Iraq!
    IRAN: Even if Iran had a nuclear bomb now, they do not have Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles which can reach the U.S. Their missiles are capable of going only 1000 to 2000 thousand miles depending on who you believe. No aircraft they have could deliver a bomb without being shot down as would any missile. The possibility that someone is going to try to sneak one in by some other means already exists. That’s what our intelligence agencies are for. Why would Iran risk attempting to bomb us and risk complete annihilation of their country? They know our technology and weaponry is far beyond theirs. Most Iranians want to live in a democratic society and enjoy the same things Westerners have. It is better to reach out to them so Iran can change from within. History has demonstrated that the will of people to be free will eventually force change from within, regardless of the controlling government’s ideology as long as the comprehension of freedom and the desire for it can be instilled in them by the free world. Putting ideological barriers aside is a pre-requisite before effective communication can be established. This eliminates the perception and fears of possible attempts to control and dominate. Listening first is more effective than speaking first.
    As far as Israel is concerned, Netanyahu has stated that “Israel does not need U.S. soldiers…. Israel can take care of itself”. The Israeli’s would eliminate any direct threat to their nation and that action would not provoke a military response from any of the Mid East Countries, most of which are already in turmoil. We would better protect Israel by establishing a more sincere line of communication in the Mid East, first by withdrawing all troops from the Mid-East and then the rest of the world. If any country or terrorist then tries to attack us, in the eyes of the free world, we would be more justified in defending ourselves. Ron Paul would defend this country if need be! Ron Paul would make us strong from within not weaken us from abroad.
    One last quote to think about …war is the parent of armies; from these proceed debts, and taxes; and armies, and debts and taxes are the known instruments for bringing the many under the domination of the few… no nation could preserve its freedom in the midst of continual war… JAMES MADISON

    Wednesday, December 28, 2011 at 9:26 pm | Permalink
  2. Iron Knee wrote:


    Thursday, December 29, 2011 at 10:28 am | Permalink