“March Madnesss… the only place where you hear ‘Kansas is advancing.’” – Bill Maher
“You know who hates March Madness? Rick Santorum. It combines the two things he hates most, college and putting something in a hole.” – Bill Maher
“First Santorum is against the gays, then contraception, now porn. This guy is more backed up than the 405.” – Bill Maher
“He wears a sweater vest everywhere, which is proof that he does not have one gay friend… This guy thinks about gay sex more than any gay man in America. There’s a guy down in West Hollywood working at Dorothy’s and Dildos who does not think about gay sex as much as Rick Santorum.” – Bill Maher
“Rick Santorum said this week that his 12-year-old could out-reason me about God. Look, I am not about to debate a home-schooled twelve-year-old. I have enough trouble with Sarah Palin.” – Bill Maher
“Today is St. Patrick’s Day Eve, the traditional day where Irish Americans drink all the booze they bought for tomorrow night’s party and the day when Rick Santorum paints his blue balls green.” – Bill Maher
“Mitt Romney is determined to win the Southerners back for the general election. His slogan down there is now ‘Romney: Oh right, like you’re gonna vote for the black guy.’” – Bill Maher
“You know what’s kind of ironic? This will be the fourth St. Patrick’s Day of Obama’s presidency. He still hasn’t created a green job. What happened to those?” – Jay Leno
“Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich made his final public appearance yesterday, before beginning his 14-year prison term. No word on who his cell mate is yet. It’s probably a good chance it’s another former Illinois governor.” – Jay Leno
