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Late Night Political Humor

“President Obama came out with approval of same-sex marriage. He said that over the years, he has been going through an evolution on the issue. That makes opponents on the far right doubly angry. They don’t believe in gay marriage OR evolution.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Today Barack Obama became the first sitting president to push the rainbow button and launch gay-mageddon.” – Stephen Colbert

“Soon we may live in a world where the only people opposed to gay marriage will be gay people who are married.” – Craig Ferguson

“Suck it gays! By which I mean, do not.” – Stephen Colbert

“President Obama officially announced he is in favor of gay marriage. Of course, this is a monumental event. This is the first time Joe Biden said something Obama didn’t have to apologize for.” – Jay Leno

“In fact, he changed his campaign slogan from ‘forward’ to ‘fabulous’.” – Jay Leno

“Today President Obama said he supports gay marriage, which is great news for the gay community. It wasn’t all positive though. He also said the show ‘Glee’ has jumped the shark.” – Craig Ferguson

“The women know what this means. Now all the good ones will be married AND gay.” – Jay Leno

“Today President Obama came out in favor of same-sex marriage. He said he hoped his support would make it easier for gay people to get married and for John Travolta to get a massage.” – Conan O’Brien

“Tomorrow Obama happens to have a fundraising dinner at George Clooney’s house. Very interesting. I think they are getting married!” – Jimmy Kimmel

“My position is simple. I support any wedding I don’t have to go to.” – Jay Leno

“Today Barack Obama became the first U.S. president to endorse same-sex marriage. Obama said he thinks same-sex marriage should be legal. Then he said, ‘Okay, now where’s my show on Bravo?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“You know who is really against the president’s position on gay marriage? Gay men afraid of commitment. Now they have no excuse.” – Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney responded today by restating his own views on marriage. He said marriage should only take place between two consenting rich people.” – Craig Ferguson

“Romney said he had no problem with gay people because one of his best friends owns San Francisco.” – Craig Ferguson

“North Carolina voted to approve an amendment that specifically defines marriage as between a man and a woman, which makes no sense because they let ‘Dawson’s Creek’ shoot there for years.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“This week President Obama awarded Burt Bacharach the Gershwin Prize. If that doesn’t increase Obama’s street cred, nothing will.” – Conan O’Brien

“It’s come down to Mitt Romney and Barack Obama. And Mitt Romney is fighting this image that he has no personality, and the reason for this, of course, is that he has no personality.” – David Letterman

“Hillary Clinton is making headlines now for nonpolitical reasons. She attended a number of public events without makeup on. Is that a big deal? I’m pretty sure Colin Powell went without makeup a lot.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Michele Bachamnn has announced she is now also a citizen of Switzerland. What better way to protest a president you think is socialist than become a citizen of a country with a socialist philosophy and a mandated health care plan.” – Jay Leno

“Yesterday New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said he’s not sure if he’s going to run for re-election next year. He’s said, ‘I’ll collapse that bridge when I get to it.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Membership and recruiting of Al Qaeda is drying up. Far be it for me to tell terrorists about strategy but I think membership started to subside when they went to the suicide bomber exploding underpants.” – David Letterman

“Let’s just say you put on the exploding underpants and you detonate. When they bring in the 72 virgins, then what?” – David Letterman


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