Skip to content

Late Night Political Humor

“Mitt Romney has picked Paul Ryan as his running mate. Experts say Ryan can add something vital to this campaign that Mitt Romney lacks: a personality.” – Jay Leno

“Have you seen these guys, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan? They look like father and son dentists.” – David Letterman

“Mitt Romney kept his selection of Ryan as his VP nominee secret for more than a week. You know how he was able to keep it secret? He had it hidden next to his tax returns.” – Jay Leno

“Paul Ryan likes to hunt and we all know that a vice president who hunts is always a good choice.” – David Letterman

“Mitt Romney’s vice-presidential pick, Paul Ryan, criticized President Obama for not doing enough to create jobs. In response, Obama said, ‘Didn’t you just get a new job?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Paul Ryan is full of excitement, he’s drawing big crowds. The only thing holding Paul Ryan back now according to political experts is Mitt Romney.” – David Letterman

“Speaking of Paul Ryan, a new poll actually found that 42 percent of Americans do not approve of Mitt Romney’s running mate, which isn’t too bad considering most Americans don’t approve of Paul Ryan’s running mate.” – Jimmy Fallon

“We’re learning more and more about the Wisconsin Congressman. Apparently, he’s a huge Green Bay Packers fan. See, that shows you how far the Republicans have progressed – this time, their VP is a cheesehead. Remember, last time it was an airhead. That was totally different.” – Jay Leno

“Tell me one area where Paul Ryan and Sarah Palin would disagree? I cannot find one area. So somehow he’s the smartest guy in the party and she’s the stupidest woman on earth, but they agree on everything.” – Bill Maher

Ever since it was announced Sarah Palin will not be speaking at the Republican Convention, the Romney campaign has been flooded with thousands of texts and emails demanding that she be allowed to speak… all from President Obama.” – Jay Leno

“New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is going to be the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention, and wherever Chris Christie goes you know what that means. That’s right, unlimited bread sticks.” – David Letterman

“I think Chris Christie is a good choice for the keynote speaker. I mean, is there a better symbol for belt tightening than Chris Christie?” – David Letterman

Police in Florida have arrested a man who said he finally achieved his goal of shoplifting in all 50 states. You know what you call someone who steals from all 50 states? A congressman.” – Jay Leno

“North Korea could test a nuclear missile in two weeks. North Korea says this launch will go much better than previous ones because they got twice as much Diet Coke and Mentos.” – Jimmy Fallon