“Todd Akin, the Republican Senate candidate from Missouri, is under fire for his controversial comments that women who are ‘legitimately raped are less likely to get pregnant.’ The good news? Candidates who are legitimately that stupid are less likely to get elected.” – Jay Leno
“Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That’s too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century.” – David Letterman
“Fellow Republicans are calling for Todd Akin to step down. But Democrats are going ‘Stay in! Don’t be a quitter. Hang in there.'” – Jay Leno
“Akin announced that he is staying in the race. Is that a surprise? A guy who knows so little about a woman’s body doesn’t know when it’s time to pull out.” – Jay Leno
“A hurricane could threaten next week’s Republican National Convention in Tampa. It could really hurt Republicans — which explains its name, ‘Hurricane Todd Akin.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Mitt looks like a guy who would be the closer at Beverly Hills Mercedes.” – David Letterman
“And Mitt’s running mate Paul Ryan — who has dropped out of nowhere and has energized the Republican ticket — he looks like the guy you see on packages of underwear.” – David Letterman
“Mitt Romney says if he is elected he will create 12 million new jobs in his first year in office – and that’s just for people to do his taxes.” – Jay Leno
“Finding a co-host for Kelly Ripa has been harder than finding Mitt Romney’s tax returns.” – David Letterman
“It’s National Senior Citizen’s Day, which is not to be confused with National Senior Citizen’s Week — the Republican Convention in Florida.” – Jimmy Fallon
“At a campaign stop in Ohio, a group of senior citizens greeted Republican Vice President nominee Paul Ryan and yelled ‘Good luck!’ It’s good to see the cast of ‘The Expendables 2’ is everywhere this week.” – Jay Leno
“Senior Citizens Day was made official by President Reagan in 1988 to recognize the contributions the elderly do for this country. It’s a special holiday to remind them they are indeed old.” – Jimmy Kimmel
