“Today’s inauguration marked the first time ever a president used the word gay in an inauguration speech. It was the part of the speech where Obama pointed at the Washington monument and said, ‘Whoever designed that thing must have been pretty gay’.” – Conan O’Brien
“During the inauguration, Good Morning America host George Stephanopoulos gave a shout-out to who he thought was Morgan Freeman, but was actually Celtics great Bill Russell. Stephanopoulos then went on to say he was so excited to be at Denzel Washington’s inauguration.” – Conan O’Brien
“During the inauguration, a teenage boy was spotted flirting with Malia Obama. At this moment, the boy is being flown to a remote location in Afghanistan.” – Conan O’Brien
“Vice President Joe Biden was also sworn in for his second term today. Biden swore on the Bible to ‘uphold the Constitution and to keep doing whatever it is I do’.” – Conan O’Brien
“In his inaugural address, President Obama said America’s possibilities are limitless. Unfortunately at that moment Lance Armstrong shouted out, ‘That’s what I used to think’.” – Conan O’Brien
“There once was a man named Barack,
whose re-election came as a shock.
He raised the taxes I pay,
and then turned marriage gay.
And now he’s coming after your glock.” – Stephen Colbert