“North Korea is now threatening the United States with all-out war. What did Dennis Rodman say to these people? What did he do?” – Jay Leno
“North Korea is warning the U.S. that war with South Korea may break out at any minute. Or as Obama put it, ‘Can’t believe I’m doing this. Get me Dennis Rodman’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Yesterday President Obama told reporters that his NCAA tournament bracket is busted. Obama said they were the worst picks he’s ever made – then he looked at his economic advisers and said, ‘Ehh, maybe not.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano – the person in charge of our national security – recently said she doesn’t email, text, or tweet. So remember: If you see something, say something – because there’s literally no other way she’ll get the message.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Ashley Judd announced she will not be running for Senate in Kentucky against Mitch McConnell. And Mitch McConnell announced he will not be co-starring in any romantic comedies with Matthew McConaughey.” – Jay Leno
