“Last night President Obama hosted Republican senators for dinner at the White House. The president said he had to do without salt, pepper, and butter – because as you know, the Republicans refuse to pass anything.” – Jay Leno
“On Tuesday at the White House, President Obama sang with Justin Timberlake. It’s being called the blackest thing President Obama has ever done.” – Conan O’Brien
“According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans would vote for Ronald Reagan for president right now over Barack Obama. In fact, in the last election 58 percent of the people in Florida DID vote for Ronald Reagan.” – Jay Leno
“A long list of celebrities and musicians have signed a letter to President Obama asking him to ease the nation’s drug enforcement policy. Hollywood celebrities and musicians want the president to ease our drug laws – it’s always the people you least expect.” – Jay Leno
“The South Korean pop star Psy of ‘Gangnam Style’ fame just announced that he’ll release a new song tomorrow. As soon as they heard, North Korea said, ‘Now they’re really asking for it’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“North Korean officials reportedly are planning a cyber attack on the U.S. in an effort to bring our economy to a halt. Nice try guys. You’re five years too late.” – Jay Leno
“Donald Trump is going to be a grandfather. It’s true. That thing on his head is pregnant.” – Craig Ferguson
