“This story comes up about twice a year. They think they have located the body of Jimmy Hoffa, the former Teamsters union leader, after 40 years of being dead. Nothing on the NSA whistle-blower, but we think we know where Jimmy Hoffa is.” – David Letterman
“The Senate’s new immigration bill is apparently more than a thousand pages long and weighs 24 pounds. Some critics say the bill is too long for the average American to read before it’s approved, while some senators are saying that’s the point.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The immigration bill is more than a thousand pages long. That doesn’t sound like an immigration bill. That sounds like a menu at The Cheesecake Factory.” – Jimmy Fallon
“In a new interview, Ralph Nader said there has never been a bigger con man in the White House than Barack Obama. Can you believe that? Ralph Nader is still alive!” – Jay Leno
“Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the guy who made ‘Death to America’ a popular slogan. Now his successor, a moderate guy named Rohani, doesn’t believe in death to America. He believes in lingering illness to America.” – David Letterman
“This Rohani guy has promised that he will boldly lead Iran into the 14th century.” – David Letterman
