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Late Night Political Humor

“There’s a new Anthony Weiner scandal. Weiner is running for mayor of New York City. He confirmed yesterday that some new sexually explicit messages have been leaked. He sent them to a woman on Facebook using the code name ‘Carlos Danger’. Which is still easier to believe than that other name: Mayor Weiner.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Anthony Weiner has been caught in yet another sexting scandal. At the beginning of this campaign he said that other texts and photos were likely to come out. Well, they have. Finally, a politician who keeps his promises!” – Jay Leno

“The show tonight may run a little longer than usual, and I’ll tell you why. We have about 300 Anthony Weiner jokes to get through.” – David Letterman

“Before we begin the show, I want to ask everyone to turn off their cellphones. It has nothing to do with our program. We just want to protect you from Anthony Weiner. He may try to send you a text.” – Jay Leno

“Let me just say this: You know that your campaign is not going well when you open a press conference by saying ‘I told you there would be more lewd photos.'” – David Letterman

“It was revealed that Anthony Weiner sent nude pictures of himself to this woman using a ‘Carlos Danger’ Yahoo email address. His wife was shocked. She said, ‘You still use Yahoo?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Weiner says he won’t drop out of the race so that means by day he’ll be Mr. Mayor, and by night he’ll be ‘Carlos Danger, Gaucho of Love’.” – David Letterman

“Carlos Danger — isn’t that the guy from the Dos Equis commercials?” – David Letterman

“Anthony Weiner’s alter ego is a Bolivian action hero slash porn star. ‘Danger… is my user name’.” – John Oliver

“Yes, even after the sexting scandal that ended his congressional career. It turns out he learned nothing. Has this man never heard of SnapChat? Your dong shots disappear seconds after you send them… I have been told.” – Stephen Colbert

“Anthony Weiner said yesterday that he wants closure. If he wants closure he should start with his zipper.” – Jay Leno

“Taylor Swift canceled a radio contest to meet her biggest fan when it turned out her biggest fan was a man nearly twice her age. Nothing’s working out for Anthony Weiner these days.” – Conan O’Brien

“The royal baby finally has a name. It took a few days but they named him Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge. The parents said they wanted a name that reflects his country’s great history and gets him beaten up at school every day.” – Conan O’Brien

“The royal baby has a name now: George Alexander Louis. George is not the king yet. So for now, we just address him as ‘Boy George’.” – Craig Ferguson

“The past 24 hours have been so exciting for my wife and I, and we haven’t had a chance to respond to everyone’s calls and messages, but let me just say, ‘Yes, William and Kate, we’ll definitely set up a play date.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Everybody is still talking about the other baby, the royal baby. In fact, I saw that President Obama released a statement congratulating Prince William and Kate Middleton on the birth of their son. Then he said, ‘And whatever you do – hang on to that birth certificate’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Queen Elizabeth met the royal baby yesterday. The baby cried, so Queen Elizabeth explained, ‘You’ll never have to work a day in your life.'” – Conan O’Brien

“The Obama administration has admitted that under Obamacare, you might not be able to keep your doctor. At first the president guaranteed you’d be able to keep your doctor, and now they’re saying you ‘might’ be able to. Today Obama changed his slogan from ‘Yes we can’ to ‘Perhaps we could try. Can’t promise anything.'” – Jay Leno


One Comment

  1. hamssassiao wrote:


    Sunday, August 4, 2013 at 11:13 am | Permalink