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Late Night Political Humor

“President Obama visited with Pope Francis today, and during the meeting the president gave Pope Francis some seeds used in the White House garden. Then he said, ‘Don’t plant these where anyone can see them. They’re straight from Denver. ‘” – Jimmy Fallon

“It’s traditional for world leaders to exchange gifts when they meet for the first time. The Pope gave Obama his book and two medallions. The president gave him seeds from the vegetable garden. The Pope said, ‘Great, my favorite.'” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Pope Francis and President Obama met for the first time today and prayed together. Said Obama: ‘Lord, please help me accept the things I cannot change, which is everything.'” – Seth Meyers

“President Obama was at the Vatican today. He had his first meeting with Pope Francis. It was a casual meeting. They spoke privately for about an hour and grabbed lunch at the Cheesecake Factory.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Today the U.N. approved a resolution calling Russia’s annexation of Crimea illegal. For those of you who don’t know what a U.N. resolution is, it’s about as powerful as a negative Yelp review.” – Seth Meyers

“Mayor Rob Ford is running for re-election in Toronto, and last night’s first debate was about public transportation. Ford said it’s important to preserve the city’s bus and subway stations. Then he said, ‘I rely on those things. I’m way too drunk to drive myself.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“After discovering a new dwarf planet orbiting the sun beyond Pluto, scientists have named it ‘2012 VP113’ or ‘Biden’ for short. Scientists say they chose the name because the planet, like Biden, is pretty far out there.” – Seth Meyers