“Newly leaked documents show the NSA has been collecting millions of pictures of people online for its sophisticated facial recognition program. Americans said it’s a huge violation of their privacy – then they went back to posting selfies every 30 minutes.” – Jimmy Fallon
“In a new interview, President Obama revealed that his daughter Malia recently went to her first prom. She wore a corsage on her wrist while her date wore a red laser dot on his head.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama had lunch with Hillary Clinton. Hillary told the president, ‘After phoning my top advisers, I think I’ll run for office.’ And the president said, ‘I know. I listened in.'” – Craig Ferguson
“A lot of people in Washington were shocked by this Obama-Hillary meeting. I’m not sure about Nancy Pelosi. She looks shocked all the time.” – Craig Ferguson
“President Obama said Hillary Clinton would be very effective if she ran for president. And Joe Biden said, ‘Thank you very – wait, what?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“This morning President Obama announced a new 600-page proposal to lower carbon emissions and help stop global warming. Step one: Stop printing 600-page proposals.” – Seth Meyers
“Marijuana dispensaries in San Jose, California, will give out free weed to people who vote in tomorrow’s municipal election. Which should backfire when the winner of the election is ‘Pizza’.” – Jimmy Fallon
