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Late Night Political Humor

“Something happened this week that in the past was always completely not controversial, we brought home a prisoner of war. Bowe Bergdahl is his name, from the Afghanistan war. Of course if you saw Fox News, you saw what really happened: Obama surrendered to the Taliban.” – Bill Maher

“It was a tough week for conservatives because, you know, on the one hand they love the military and soldiers, but they hate Obama. So at first, FOX News was like, ‘We don’t want to weigh in until all the facts were distorted.'” –Bill Maher

“I’m kidding, of course. They weighed in right away. And the conclusion they came to is if there is one inviolate, eternal, etched-in-stone rule, which is that we never leave an American solider behind in war, unless Obama does it and then of course it’s a stupid, horrible thing to do.” – Bill Maher

“Exactly right. Good presidents, people like George Bush, he sends people to war. They don’t bring them home and rescue them. This is America, we rescue insurance companies and banks.” – Bill Maher

“We don’t trade terrorists for hostages. We trade arms for hostages. But there are of course aspects of this story that are actually controversial. Like this guy may very well have been a deserter, which is not good. You just can’t pick up and leave in the middle of your job. You’re part of a military unit, not the governor of Alaska.” – Bill Maher

“Sarah Palin, she was all over this story, attacking this Bowe Bergdahl guy because, you know, she found out through reports, we don’t really know this, that he has trouble now speaking English. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.” – Bill Maher

“Of course he has trouble speaking English. You know, he was five years around nobody else who speaks English. Sarah, what’s your excuse?” – Bill Maher

“I mean, come on, cut this guy some slack. When you spend five years in captivity it can make a man do some crazy things, like when McCain picked you!” – Bill Maher

“Look, whatever happened over there in Afghanistan, we’re not going to find out or really know for a while. He will spend weeks, they say, recovering and then months until he can get an appointment at the VA.” – Bill Maher

“The other controversial aspect of this, and it is controversial, is that Obama did kind of did do it illegally. You are supposed to give Congress 30 days notice, but the administration says their excuse for that is that Bergdahl’s life was in immediate danger. And that’s just because the Taliban were driving a GM truck.” – Bill Maher

“Guns aren’t just a tool of last resort. They’re awesome. That’s why people stroke them. And name them, and take pictures with them. You guys aren’t just firearm enthusiasts — you’re ammosexuals. And before you try and deny you have some sort of unnatural romantic relationship with your gun, consider this. You’re taking it out to dinner! Because it completes you. Get a room.” – Bill Maher