“Hillary Clinton is campaigning in Iowa, virtually going door to door to every home in Iowa. Jehovah’s Witnesses finally got fed up and said, ‘Get lost. Get out of here!'” – David Letterman
“Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.” – David Letterman
“Hillary is in Iowa to listen to what the people are saying — because if you want her to speak, that will cost you $200,000. So she’s there listening.” – David Letterman
“Hillary Clinton is driving across Iowa in a van. It’s to get to know the people she’ll never, ever see again in her life.” – David Letterman
“The Hillary team is driving around in a van. Sometimes people get those gag bumper stickers put on their van. Hillary has one on her van, and it says, ‘If this van’s rockin’, I’m deleting emails.'” – David Letterman
“Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her campaign. Yeah, for example, today she pointed out that her husband makes $300 million a year. She has to get by on $200 million a year, and that’s not fair.” – Conan O’Brien
“According to a new poll, 57 percent of the people believe Hillary Clinton will be the next president. Now 43 percent of the people in that poll believe Hillary Clinton is already president. – David Letterman
“Tax day was yesterday. And marijuana growers are complaining that they can’t write off a single expense thanks to federal laws. Well, apparently someone tried to claim the Phish tour as his home office and that’s not going to happen.” – Conan O’Brien
